* * * * *

OLD BAILEY.

Robbed—­Melbourne’s butcher of his twelvemonth’s billings.

Verdict—­Stealing under forty shillings.

* * * * *

LEGAL PUGILISM.

The Chancery bar has been lately occupied with a question relating to a patent for pins’ heads.  The costs are estimated at L5000.  The lawyers are the best boxers, after all.  Only let them get a head in chancery, even a pin’s, and see how they make the proprietor bleed.

* * * * *

INQUEST.

Died, Eagle Rouse—­Verdict, Felo de se.

Induced by being ta’en for—­Ross, M.P.

* * * * *

RUMBALL THE COMEDIAN.

When Mr. Rumball was at the Surrey Theatre, the treasurer paid him the proceeds of a share of a benefit in half-crowns, shillings, and sixpences, which Rumball boasted that he had carried home on his head.  His friends, from that day, accounted for his silvery hair!

* * * * *

FOREIGN AFFAIRS.

We beg to invite attention to the aspect of our Foreign Affairs.  It is dark, lowering, gloomy—­some would say, alarming.  When it smiles, its smiles deceive.  To use the very mildest term, it is exceedingly suspicious.  Let John Bull look to his pockets.

It is, nevertheless, but a piece of justice to state, that, formidable as the appearance of Foreign Affairs may be, no blame whatever can, in our opinion, be attached to Lord Palmerston.

The truth is, that the Foreign Affairs of PUNCH are not the Foreign Affairs of Politics.  They are certain living beings; and we call them Affairs, by way of compromise with some naturalists, to whom the respective claims of man and the ape to their relationship may appear as yet undecided.

In their anatomical construction they undoubtedly resemble mankind; they are also endowed with the faculty of speech.  Their clothes, moreover, do not grow upon their backs, although they look very much as if they did.  They come over here in large numbers from other countries, chiefly from France; and in London abound in Leicester-square, and are constantly to be met with under the Quadrant in Regent-street, where they grin, gabble, chatter, and sometimes dance, to the no small diversion of the passengers.

As these Foreign Affairs have long been the leaders of fashion, and continue still to give the tone to the manners and sentiments of the politer circles, where also their language is, perhaps, more frequently spoken than the vernacular tongue; and as there is something about them—­no matter what—­which renders them great favourites with a portion of the softer sex, we shall endeavour to point out, for the edification of those who may be disposed to copy them, those peculiarities of person, deportment, and dress, by which their tribe is distinguished.