“Commenced sacrificing to the Graces,
  By putting on my breeches.”

Sent for a barber, and authorised him to remove the superfluous hair from my chin—­at the same time made him aware of the high honour I had conferred upon him by placing the head of the city under his razor—­thought I detected the fellow’s tongue in his cheek, but couldn’t be certain. Mem. Never employ the rascal again.

9 o’clock.—­Dressed in full fig—­sword very troublesome—­getting continually between my legs.  Sat down to breakfast—­her ladyship complimented me on my appearance—­said I looked the beau ideal of a mayor—­took a side glance at myself in the mirror—­her ladyship was perfectly right.  Trotter the shoemaker announced—­walked in with as much freedom as he used to do into my shop in Coleman-street—­smelt awfully of “best calf” and “heavy sole”—­shook me familiarly by the hand, and actually called me “Bob.”  The indignation of the Mayor was roused, and I hinted to him that I did not understand such liberties, upon which the fellow had the insolence to laugh in my face—­couldn’t stand his audacity, so quitted the room with strong marks of disgust.

10 o’clock.—­Heard that a vagabond was singing “Jim Crow” on Tower-hill—­proceeded with a large body of the civic authorities to arrest him, but after an arduous chase of half-an-hour we unfortunately lost him in Houndsditch.  Suppressed two illegal apple-stalls in the Minories, and took up a couple of young black-legs, whom I detected playing at chuck-farthing on Saffron-hill.  Issued a proclamation against mad dogs, cautioning all well-disposed persons to avoid their society.

12 o’clock.—­Waited upon by the secretary of the New River Company with a sample of the water they supply to the City—­found that it was much improved by compounding it with an equal portion of cognac—­gave a certificate accordingly.  Lunched, and took a short nap in my cocked hat.

1 o’clock.—­Police-court.  Disposed of several cases summarily—­everybody in court amazed at the extraordinary acuteness I displayed, and the rapidity with which I gave my decisions—­they did not know that I always privately tossed up—­heads, complainant wins, and tails, defendant—­this is the fairest way after all—­no being humbugged by hard swearing or innocent looks—­no sifting of witnesses—­no weighing of evidence—­no deliberating—­no hesitating—­the thing is done in an instant—­and, if the guilty should escape, why the fault lies with fortune, and not with justice.

3 o’clock.—­Visited the Thames Tunnel—­found Brunel a devilish deep fellow—­he explained to me the means by which he worked, and said he had got nearly over all his difficulties—­I suppose he meant to say he had nearly got under them—­at all events the tunnel, when completed, will be a vast convenience to the metropolis, particularly to the lower classes.  From the Tunnel went to Billingsgate-market—­confiscated a basket of suspicious shrimps, and ordered them to be conveyed to the Mansion-house. Mem. Have them for breakfast to-morrow.  Return to dress for dinner, having promised to take the chair at the Grand Annual Metropolitan Anti-Hydro-without-gin-drinking Association.