The knocker is a thing which is generally composed of brass or iron.  It has frequently a violent resemblance to the “human face divine,” or the ravenous expressiveness of a beast of prey.  It assumes a variety of phases under peculiar vinous influences.  A gentleman, in whose veracity and experience we have the most unlimited confidence, for a series of years kept an account of the phenomena of his own knocker; and by his permission the following extracts are now submitted to the public:—­

    1840.

Nov. 12—­Dined with Captain ——.  Capital spread—­exquisite liqueurs—­magnificent wines—­unparalleled cigars—­drank my four bottles—­should have made it five, but found I had eaten something which disagreed with me—­Home at four.

    State of Knocker.—­Jumping up and down the surface of the door
    like a rope dancer, occasionally diverging into a zig-zag, the
    key-hole partaking of the same eccentricities.

Nov. 13.—­Supped with Charley B——.  Brandy, genuine cognac—­Cigars principe.  ESTIMATED CONSUMPTION:  brandy and water, eighteen glasses—­cigars, two dozen—­porter with a cabman, two pots.

State of Knocker.—­Peripatetic—­moved from our house to the next—­remained till it roused the family—­returned to its own door, and became duplicated—­wouldn’t wake the house-porter till five.

    N.B.  Found I had used my own thumb for a sounding-plate, and had
    bruised my nail awfully.

    Nov. 14.—­Devoted the day to soda-water and my tailor’s bill—­gave
    a draught for the amount, and took another on my own account.

Nov. 15.—­Lectured by the “governor”—­left the house savage—­met the Marquess—­got very drunk unconsciously—­fancied myself a merman, and that the gutter in the Haymarket was the Archipelago—­grew preposterous, and felt that I should like to be run over—­thought I was waltzing with Cerito, but found I was being carried on a stretcher to the station-house—­somebody sent somewhere for bail, and somebody bailed me.

State of Knocker.—­Very indistinct—­then became uncommonly like the “governor” in his nightcap—­could NOT reach it—­presume it was filial affection that prevented me—­knocked of its own accord, no doubt agitated by sympathy—­reverberated in my ears all night, and left me with a confounded head-ache in the morning.

The above examples are sufficient to show the variability of this singular article.

Formerly the knocker was devoted entirely to the menial occupation of announcing, by a single dab, or a variation of raps, the desire of persons on the door-step to communicate with the occupants of the interior of a mansion.  Modern genius has elevated it into a source of refined pleasure and practical humour, affording at the same time employment to the artisan, excitement to the gentleman, and broken heads and dislocations of every variety to the police!