BE-LITTLER-ING MR. GLADSTONE’S MAJORITY.—­Not that the G.O.M. is “coming of age in the olden times,”—­as somebody’s picture has it,—­but that he is coming in with a mixed Majority of atoms difficult to be assimilated.  This much exercises the wigorous brain of Mr. R.D.M.  LITTLER, Q.C. writing to the Times.  Of course R.D.M.  LITTLER, Q.C.—­which initials, being interpreted, may mean, “Railway Directors’ Man”—­is the Conservativest of Conservatives—­“but that’s another Tory,” as one may say, adapting RUDYARD KIPLING’s phrase,—­and, difficult as the G.O.M. may find it to get on with the aid of a Little Majority, he couldn’t get on any better with the aid of a Littler.

* * * * *

NOTE.—­The Guide to Wild West Kensington should announce the objects of interest in this Buffalo Bill Show, not as “classified,” but “Codyfied.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED OTHERWISE.

Host. “TAKE A LITTLE WHISKEY BEFORE YOU GO, JONES!”

Jones (after helping himself).  “THANKS!  MAY I POUR YOU OUT SOME?”

Host. “PLEASE—­NOT TOO MUCH—­JUST ABOUT HALF WHAT YOU’VE GIVEN YOURSELF!”]

* * * * *

THE TRAVELLER.

(MODERN VERSION BY A GRATEFUL COOK’S TOURIST.)

    [Mr. THOMAS COOK, originator of the great “Personally
    Conducted” Tourist and Excursionist System, died on Monday the
    18th July, aged 84 years.]

  “Remote, unfriended, melancholy slow,
  Or by the lazy Scheldt, or wandering Po?”
  Nay, gentle GOLDSMITH, it is thus no more,
  None now need fear “the rude Carinthian boor,”
  The bandit Greek, the Swiss of avid grin,
  Or e’en the predatory Bedouin. 
  Where’er we roam, whatever realms to see,
  Our thoughts, great Agent, must revert to thee. 
  From Parthenon or Pyramid, we look
  In travelled ease, and bless the name of COOK! 
  Eternal blessings crown the wanderer’s friend! 
  At Ludgate Hill may all the world attend. 
  Blest be that spot where the great world instructor
  Assumed the role of Personal Conductor! 
  Blest be those “parties,” with safe-conduct crowned,
  Who do in marshalled hosts the Regular Round;
  Gregarious gaze at Pyramid or Dome,
  The heights of Athens, or the walls of Rome,
  Then like flock-folded sheep, are shepherded safe home.

  “Let observation, with extensive view,
  Survey mankind from China to Peru.” 
  By all means, yes, or even further fare,
  And Afric’s forest huge and poisonous Pigmies dare. 
  But, to avoid the lonely traveller’s pain,
  From Ludgate Circus drag the well-linked chain;
  As Amurath to Amurath succeeds,
  So COOK to COOK!  THOMAS’s grandiose deeds
  What Tourist may forget?  The great one’s gone,
  But his vast enterprise shall still march on. 
  What THOMAS started, is pursued by JOHN. 
  Peace to the dust of the Great Pioneer,
  “Great COOK is dead, long live Great COOK!” we cheer.