2d.  Push on, keep moving, as Punch says.  Do not think of saying fine things—­nobody cares for them any more than for fine music, which is often too liberally bestowed on such occasions.  Speak at all ventures, and attempt the mot pour rire. You will find people satisfied with wonderfully indifferent jokes if you can but hit the taste of the company, which depends much on its character.  Even a very high party, primed with all the cold irony and non est tanti feelings, or no feelings, of fashionable folks, may be stormed by a jovial, rough, round, and ready preses.  Choose your texts with discretion, the sermon may be as you like.  If a drunkard or an ass breaks in with anything out of joint, if you can parry it with a jest, good and well—­if not, do not exert your serious authority, unless it is something very bad.  The authority even of a chairman ought to be very cautiously exercised.  With patience you will have the support of every one.

When you have drunk a few glasses to play the good fellow, and banish modesty if you are unlucky enough, to have such a troublesome companion, then beware of the cup too much.  Nothing is so ridiculous as a drunken preses.

Lastly.  Always speak short, and Skeoch doch na skiel—­cut a tale with a drink.

    “This is the purpose and intent
    Of gude Schir Walter’s testament."[480]

We dined to-day at Mrs. Dundas of Arniston, Dowager.

February 24.—­I carried my own instructions into effect the best I could, and if our jests were not good, our laugh was abundant.  I think I will hardly take the chair again when the company is so miscellaneous; though they all behaved perfectly well.  Meadowbank taxed me with the novels, and to end that farce at once I pleaded guilty, so that splore is ended.  As to the collection, it was much cry and little woo’, as the deil said when he shore the sow.  Only L280 from 300 people, but many were to send money to-morrow.  They did not open books, which was impolitic, but circulated a box, where people might put in what they pleased—­and some gave shillings, which gives but a poor idea of the company.  Yet there were many respectable people and handsome donations.  But this fashion of not letting your right hand see what your left hand doeth is no good mode of raising a round sum.  Your penny-pig collections don’t succeed.  I got away at ten at night.  The performers performed very like gentlemen, especially Will Murray.  They attended as stewards with white rods, and never thought of sitting down till after dinner, taking care that the company was attended to.

February 25.—­Very bad report of the speeches in the papers.  We dined at Jeffrey’s with Sydney Smith—­funny and good-natured as usual.  One of his daughters is very pretty indeed; both are well-mannered, agreeable, and sing well.  The party was pleasant.

February 26.—­At home, and settled to work; but I know not why I was out of spirits—­quite Laird of Humdudgeon, and did all I could to shake it off, and could not.  James Ballantyne dined with me.