I will stick to my purpose.  Answered a letter from Gillies about establishing a foreign journal; a good plan, but I fear in sorry hands.  Of those he names as his assistants they who can be useful will do little, and the labours of those who are willing to work will rather hold the publication down.  I fear it will not do.

I am downhearted about leaving all my things, after I was quietly settled; it is a kind of disrooting that recalls a thousand painful ideas of former happier journeys.  And to be at the mercy of these fellows!  God help—­but rather God bless—­man must help himself.

October 11.—­We are ingenious self-tormentors.  This journey annoys me more than anything of the kind in my life.  My wife’s figure seems to stand before me, and her voice is in my ears—­“Scott, do not go.”  It half frightens me.  Strong throbbing at my heart, and a disposition to be very sick.  It is just the effect of so many feelings which had been lulled asleep by the uniformity of my life, but which awaken on any new subject of agitation.  Poor, poor Charlotte!!  I cannot daub it further.  I get incapable of arranging my papers too.  I will go out for half-an-hour.  God relieve me!

I quelled this hysterica passio by pushing a walk towards Kaeside and back again, but when I returned I still felt uncomfortable, and all the papers I wanted were out of the way, and all those I did not want seemed to place themselves under my fingers; my cash, according to the nature of riches in general, made to itself wings and fled, I verily believe from one hiding-place to another.  To appease this insurrection of the papers, I gave up putting my things in order till to-morrow morning.

Dined at Kippielaw with a party of neighbours.  They had cigars for me, very politely.  But I must break folks off this.  I would [not] willingly be like old Dr. Parr, or any such quiz, who has his tastes and whims, forsooth, that must be gratified.  So no cigars on the journey.

October 12.[356]—­Reduced my rebellious papers to order.  Set out after breakfast, and reached Carlisle at eight o’clock at night.

Rokeby Park, October 13.—­We were off before seven, and visiting Appleby Castle by the way (a most interesting and curious place), we got to Morritt’s[357] about half-past four, where we had as warm a welcome as one of the warmest hearts in the world could give an old friend.  I saw his nephew’s wife for the first time, a very pleasing young person.  It was great pleasure to me to see Morritt happy in the midst of his family circle, undisturbed, as heretofore, by the sickness of any dear to him.