One day Mrs. Sweedle were well enough to get up.  “I know who’s goin’ to ’ave a treat now,” she said.  Our ’arts leapt.  We did ’ope she might be goin’ to say we was to sit down to our breakfasts.

“Grandfer’s goin’ to be shaved, and not ’ave to pay tuppence out of ’is poor pension,” she said.  “There’s nobody can shave like a soldier.”  And when Jim ’ad got the old man by the nose she said to me, “I can see what you want to be at, shakin’ these mats with your strong arm and savin’ me comin’ on giddy.”

It were very ’ard at first, but after a bit Jim and me got into the work at Mrs. Sweedle’s and was just able to get through with it, except the mornin’ her brother ‘ad a fit when we was racin’ to finish the washin’-up.  That fair broke our backs.  We ’ad a sort of seizure on parade and ’ad to fall out till we got our breaths back.

* * * * *

THE RECOGNISED.

Give ear to my words and you shall hear
The song of the British Volunteer,
Who started out when the War began
As a middle-aged mostly grey-haired man. 
Too old to be sent to join the dance
Of the doughty fellows who fought in France,
He refused to go on the dusty shelf,
And he set to work and he bought himself
A spirited grey-green uniform,
With a cap to match and a British warm,

                    And he took his fill

          Of the latest drill;

But somehow they didn’t seem to prize him
Or wish in the least to recognise him.

But now they have let him cast away
His excellent clothes of green and grey;
They think they can use him,
And don’t refuse him,
And they’ve dressed him up and they’ve dressed him down
In a regular suit of khaki brown;
He has been gazetted
And properly vetted
As able to march five miles at least,
Though he puffs a bit when the speed ’s increased;
And he can double
Without much trouble,
And do such deeds as a man must do
Who is willing to help to see things through.

* * * * *

A Wholesale Order.

“Lieut-Colonel ——­ received the K.C.B. and other decorations, including
C.M.G.s, D.S.O.s, Military Crosses, and Royal Red Crosses.”—­Evening
Standard.

* * * * *

From “Paris Theatrical Notes":—­

    “The programme for to-day at the Opera compromises ’Samson et
    Dalila.’”—­Continental Daily Mail.

It sounds a little superfluous.

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(By Mr. Punch’s Staff of Learned Clerks.)