[Illustration:  Gallant Major (temporarily in the care of H.M.’s Navy). “ANOTHER ONE OF THAT SORT AND—­I SHALL DO AS I LIKE.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Survivor from U-Boat. “KAMERAD!  KAMERAD!  IF I VOS ON LAND I VOS HOLD UP MEIN HANDS!”

Ordinary Seaman. “WELL, YOUR FEET ’LL DO INSTEAD.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  A.B. “GIVE US YER KNIFE.” Boy. “AIN’T GOT IT.”

A.B. (with bitter scorn of non-essentials). “GOT YER WRIST-WATCH ALL RIGHT, I S’POSE?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Apollo. “I NEVER SAID NOTHING TO ’ER—­DID I?”

Neptune. “NO.  BUT YOU WAS TRYIN’ ON ONE OF YER FASCINATIN’ LOOKS.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ECHOES FROM JUTLAND.

Wine Steward (acting as one of Ammunition Supply Party). “WILL YOU TAKE LYDDITE OR SHRAPNEL, SIR?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  SNOOKER POOL AFLOAT.

Commander (as the black he has tried to pot threatens to touch the port cushion). “LIST HER TO STARBOARD!”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE “DAMNED SPOT.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “YOU OUGHT REALLY TO MANAGE TO GET BLOWN TO BITS SOMEHOW, NOBBY.  YOU’D MAKE A CHAMPION JIG-SAW PUZZLE.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “HEY, DONAL’!  HERE’S A WEE BETTLESHIP COMIN’ ALONG.”

“OCH!  A WISH IT MICHT BE A U-BOAT.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Old Lady. “PARDON ME!  I SUPPOSE YOU’VE JUST COME FROM THE SEA.  CAN YOU TELL ME WHY I’VE HAD TO PAY A PENNY MORE FOR SCALLOPS TO-DAY?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Landlord. “WHATEVER DID YOU LET THE FIRE OUT FOR?  WHY DIDN’T YOU PUT SOME COALS ON?”

Stoker. “NOT LIKELY!  I’M ON LEAVE, I AM.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Friend. “SEE YOU’RE IN A HURRY.  WON’T KEEP YOU.  OFF TO ADMIRALTY, I SUPPOSE?”

Sub-Lieutenant H.M.S.  “Unbendable." “NOT EXACTLY.  FACT IS I’M DUE AT MME. GIROUETTE’S ACADEMY.  STRUCK AGAINST A COUPLE OF NEW STEPS IN THE FOX TROT AT THE PILKINGTONS’ LAST NIGHT—­RATHER WORRIED ME.  BYE-BYE.  MUST SHOVE OFF!”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Apologetic Golfer. “I SHOUTED ‘FORE!’ YOU KNOW.” Sailor. “WELL, YOU’VE HIT ME AFT!”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Tar (by way of opening the conversation). “AHEM!  BEEN OUT IN THE LIFEBOAT OFTEN, MISS?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Jones (who in going through his wardrobe has unearthed a memento of happier days at Margate). “WELL, IF THEY SHOULD CALL UP THE FORTY-FIVES, I THINK IT WILL HAVE TO BE THE NAVY.”]