So Lady Knollys argued, with feminine energy, and I must confess, with a good deal of the repetition which I have sometimes observed in logicians of my own sex, and she puzzled without satisfying me.
‘I don’t know why I went to that room,’ I said, quite frightened; ’or why I went to that press; how it happened that these papers, which we never saw there before, were the first things to strike my eye to-day.’
‘What do you mean, dear?’ said Lady Knollys.
’I mean this—I think I was brought there, and that there is poor papa’s appeal to me, as plain as if his hand came and wrote it upon the wall.’ I nearly screamed the conclusion of this wild confession.
’You are nervous, my darling; your bad nights have worn you out. Let us go out; the air will do you good; and I do assure you that you will very soon see that we are quite right, and rejoice conscientiously that you have acted as you did.’
But I was not to be satisfied, although my first vehemence was quieted. In my prayers that night my conscience upbraided me. When I lay down in bed my nervousness returned fourfold. Everybody at all nervously excitable has suffered some time or another by the appearance of ghastly features presenting themselves in every variety of contortion, one after another, the moment the eyes are closed. This night my dear father’s face troubled me—sometimes white and sharp as ivory, sometimes strangely transparent like glass, sometimes all hanging in cadaverous folds, always with the same unnatural expression of diabolical fury.
From this dreadful vision I could only escape by sitting up and staring at the light. At length, worn out, I dropped asleep, and in a dream I distinctly heard papa’s voice say sharply outside the bed-curtain:—’Maud, we shall be late at Bartram-Haugh.’
And I awoke in a horror, the wall, as it seemed, still ringing with the summons, and the speaker, I fancied, standing at the other side of the curtain.
A miserable night I passed. In the morning, looking myself like a ghost, I stood in my night-dress by Lady Knollys’ bed.
‘I have had my warning,’ I said. ’Oh, Cousin Monica, papa has been with me, and ordered me to Bartram-Haugh; and go I will.’
She stared in my face uncomfortably, and then tried to laugh the matter off; but I know she was troubled at the strange state to which agitation and suspense had reduced me.
‘You’re taking too much for granted, Maud,’ said she; ’Silas Ruthyn, most likely, will refuse his consent, and insist on your going to Bartram-Haugh.’
‘Heaven grant!’ I exclaimed; ’but if he doesn’t, it is all the same to me, go I will. He may turn me out, but I’ll go, and try to expiate the breach of faith that I fear is so horribly wicked.’
We had several hours still to wait for the arrival of the post. For both of us the delay was a suspense; for me an almost agonising one. At length, at an unlooked-for moment, Branston did enter the room with the post-bag. There was a large letter, with the Feltram post-mark, addressed to Lady Knollys—it was Doctor Bryerly’s despatch; we read it together. It was dated on the day before, and its purport was thus:—