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MORE CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE ALCOHOLIC QUESTION.

(A FEW REMARKS ON DR. ROBSON ROOSE’S ARTICLE IN NEW REVIEW.)

[Illustration:  “‘Neat’ Handed Phyllis.”

“A contribution to the Alcohol Question.”]

1.  Inebriates should be shut up in Alcoholloway Prison.

2. “Food-accessory” is a very pretty name for drink.  Henceforth let the butler go round as “the merry toast goes round.”  Let butlers and footmen, in dining-rooms and places where they have various liquors, be instructed to inquire of each and every guest “What food-accessory will you take, Sir?”

3. “The use of Alcohol dates from very early times.” But it is not recommended by the faculty as a good thing to be taken at 7 A.M., or at any time in the morning immediately on awaking.

As to when any one has had enough “alcohol,” the old test first put forward many years ago by Mr. Punch, still holds good.  If you can say “British Constitution” distinctly, and without effort, so that it shall not be all in one composite word sounding like “Bri’sh-conshushun,” then, perhaps, you may go up-stairs (if you can) and join the ladies.

4. “The liver is very prone to become affected.” The question is, first, Is “an evil liver” or “a good liver” here intended?  But, apart from this, any affectation in a liver, good or bad, is objectionable.  It must be taken for granted, in a serious discussion on the subject, that “a slave to his liver” is a synonym for “a livery servant.”  The one objection to a livery servant lies in this very fact; for a slave to liver is rarely in a good humour, and is generally sulky, lazy, and disobliging.

5. “Wine comes in, rubs off the acerbities, and brings all down to the same level of good humour.” The end of such a happy party is, of course, all under the table, smiling, but speechless.

Smiling, but beautiful they lay,
A gleam was in their half-closed eye,
But still they murmured with a sigh,

                    Hic-shelsher-wa’.

Dr. ROBERTS, as quoted by his confrere, ROBSON ROOSETEM PASHA, appears to be a very sensible person.  Dr. ROBERTS—­he is not Dr. ARTHUR ROBERTS, we believe—­recommends the liqueur to be judiciously taken at meal-times.  And, by the way, as the knowledge of when to cry, “Hold, enough!” is most useful, here is another test of sobriety in this very word “judicious,” which some, after a couple of glasses (or more) of fine old cognac, will pronounce as though ’twere spelt “seducious,” and some will swear it ought to be “jusidious.”  When nobody can pronounce “judicious” correctly, the arbiter bibendi, if himself absolutely sober as a judge ought to be,—­a man quite “above-board,” i.e., not yet under it,—­such a one may pronounce that the guests have had quite enough.  It is a pity that so excellent