“I don’t see why you should,” returned the other, changing his tone to one of greater satisfaction.  “As a New-Zealander, I observe nothing degrading in the superiority of Old Holland.”  And considering the prowess of VAN TROMP in the past, there was perhaps nothing so strange in the triumph of OOMS in the present.

* * * * *

“TO PAY OR NOT TO PAY, THAT IS THE BISLEYNESS.”

MY DEAR MR. PUNCH,—­I see that the receipts of the National Rifle Association have fallen off, and that there is a proposal to make the Bisley Meeting this year rather more attractive than its predecessors.  The Camp is to be open, and there are to be Concerts and other distractions.  But is this enough?  Once confess that Rifle-shooting is not the sole business of the gathering, and the way is cleared for more amusing items.  All that is wanted to convert a semi-failure into a triumphant success, is a Manager who could combine entertainment with instruction, thus:—­

6 A.M.—­Gun-fire.  The Camp awakes, and, to the music of the band, gets up.  Reserved seats in band-enclosure, sixpence extra.

7 A.M.—­Balloon Ascent.  Firing at the sun with revolvers by trained aeronauts.  Seats in parachutes, five shillings a-piece.

8 A.M.—­Early performance of BUFFALO BILL before his departure for Earl’s Court.  Prices as usual.

9 A.M.—­Sham Fight, augmented by Menagerie from Travelling Circus.  Cards to visit the stables, half-a-crown.

10 A.M.—­Representation of Siege Scene from Venice in London, under the title of “The Bridge of Sighs within measuring distance of Woking Cemetery.”  Season tickets, half-a-guinea.

11 A.M.—­Performance of the Battle of Waterloo by veterans, late of Astley’s Theatre.  Families and schools half-price.

12 NOON.—­Visit of Royalty, and Presentation of Purses.  No Purse accepted containing less than two pounds ten.

1 P.M.—­Grand Luncheon, with speeches by the leading Military Authorities, followed by a Smoking Concert.  One-and-sixpence.

2 P.M.—­Variety Show, including several of the best Lion Comiques, and the astounding performances of the Bounding Brothers of Bohemia.  Stalls, ten shillings.  Soldiers in uniform admitted at a considerable reduction.

3 P.M.—­Cricket Match between the famous Clown Eleven versus the Ladies’ Sixteen.  Grand Stand, three-and-six.

4 P.M.—­Comic Carnival, entitled, “Rollicksome Riflemen, or the Vicissitudes of the Volunteers.”  Reserved Seats, ninepence.

There, my dear Sir, I think I have written enough.  If there was any time to spare, the shooting programme might still be carried out; but business is business, and only by the means I have indicated (in my opinion) can Bisley be made to pay.  Trusting that my suggestion may be accepted in the spirit in which it is offered, I remain,

Yours truly, DIVIDEND BEFORE DEFENCE. The Money Grubberies, the Twenty of Shillingsworth-in-the-Pound.