“‘Say no more, Lizzy,’ I said; ’if there be not an end to this life soon, there will be an end to me.  In two days more I shall return to you.  Good bye; God bless you.  Keep up your heart and the child.’—­’Good bye,’ she said, sorrowfully.  She shed tears, and wrung her hands bitterly.  I hastened away—­my heart was ready to burst, and I could not speak.

“I walked about to recover my serenity, but could not do so sufficiently well to secure anything like an appearance that would render me fit to go to the gaming-house.  That night I remained away, but I could not avoid falling into a debauch to drown my misfortunes, and shift the scene of misery that was continually before my eyes.”

* * * * *

“The next night I was at the gaming-house.  I went there in better than usual spirits.  I saw, I thought, a change in fortune, and hailed that as the propitious moment of my life, when I was to rise above my present misfortunes.

“I played and won—­played and lost—­played and won, and then lost again; thus I went on, fluctuating more and more, until I found I was getting money in my pocket.  I had, at one moment more than three hundred pounds in my pocket, and I felt that then was my happy moment—­then the tide of fortune was going in my favour.  I ought to have left off with that—­to have been satisfied with such an amount of money; but the demon of avarice seemed to have possessed me, and I went on and on with fluctuating fortune, until I lost the whole of it.

“I was mad—­desperate, and could have destroyed myself; but I thought of the state my wife and child were in; I thought that that night they would want food; but they could not hurt for one day—­they must have some, or would procure some.

“I was too far gone to be able to go to them, even if I were possessed of means; but I had none, and daylight saw me in a deep sleep, from which I awoke not until the next evening let in, and then I once more determined that I would make a desperate attempt to get a little money.  I had always paid, and thought my word would be taken for once; and, if I won, all well and good; if not, then I was no worse off than before.

“This was easy to plan, but not to execute.  I went there, but there were none present in whom I had sufficient interest to dare make the attempt.  I walked about, and felt in a most uncomfortable state.  I feared I should not succeed at all, then what was to become of me—­of my wife and child?  This rendered me almost mad.  I could not understand what I was to do, what to attempt, or where to go.  One or two persons came up, and asked me if I were ill.  My answers were, that I was well enough.  Good God! how far from the truth was that; but I found I must place more control on my feelings, else I should cause much conversation, and then I should lose all hope of recovering myself, and all prospect of living, even.