XIII

IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS

IV

AU COIFFEUR

    SCENE. A barber’s shop in a small French town about thirty
    miles from the front.  A SUBALTERN and a stout BOURGEOIS
    are waiting their turn.

BOURGEOIS.  Is it that it is the mud of the trenches on the boots of Monsieur?

SUBALTERN.  Ah! but no, Monsieur, for then it would reach to my waist!

BOURGEOIS.  Nevertheless, Monsieur is but recently come from the trenches, is it not so?

SUBALTERN.  Yes, I am arrived from the trenches yesterday.

BOURGEOIS.  Then Monsieur has assisted at the great attack!

SUBALTERN.  Oh, yes, I helped a very little bit.

BOURGEOIS.  There have been immense losses, is it not so?

SUBALTERN (vaguely).  There are always great losses when one attacks.

BOURGEOIS.  Ah! but much greater than one expected—­I have seen, I, the wounded coming down the river.

SUBALTERN.  I—­I have always expected great losses.

BOURGEOIS.  ’Tis true.  There are always great losses when one attacks. 
But all goes well, Monsieur, is it not so?

SUBALTERN.  It is difficult to estimate the success of an attack until after several weeks.  But I think that all goes well.

BOURGEOIS.  But yes, the French, they have had a great success, and also the English.  The English are wonderful.  Their equipment!  It is that which astonishes me.  Everything is complete.  They say that the English have saved France; but the French also, they have saved England, is it not so, Monsieur?

SUBALTERN.  But we are saving each other!

BOURGEOIS.  Good!  We are saving each other!  Very good!  But after the war, Monsieur, England will fight against France, hein?

SUBALTERN.  Never!

BOURGEOIS.  Never?

SUBALTERN.  Never in life!

BOURGEOIS.  You think so?

SUBALTERN.  We do not love war.  We do not seek war.  It is only when a nation is so execrable that one is compelled to fight, as have been the Germans, that we make war.

BOURGEOIS.  You do not love war, eh?  Before the war you had a very small Army, about three hundred thousand, is it not so?  And now you have about three million.  You do not love war, you others.

SUBALTERN.  The Germans thought that they loved war, but I do not believe that they will love it very much longer!

BOURGEOIS.  No!  The war will give them the stomach-ache.  They will love it no longer!

COIFFEUR.  But these English, whom did they fight before?  The Boers, was it not?

SUBALTERN.  Yes, but a great many English think now that it was a betise.  There was also great provocation.  And nevertheless, who knows if there was not in that affair also a German plot?