* * * * *

The rain has lifted, so last night I tried the firestep, and got a good sleep.  The absurd thing was that I couldn’t wake up properly.  I came on duty at midnight, was roused, got to my feet, and started to walk along the trench.  And then the Nameless Terror, that lurks in dark corners when one is a small boy, gripped me.  I was frightened of the dark, filled with a sense of impending disaster!  It took about ten minutes to wake properly and shake it off.  I must try to get more sleep somehow; but it is jolly difficult.

* * * * *

The great bombardment has begun, the long-promised strafing of the Boche.  According to the gunners they will all be dead, buried, or dazed when the time comes for us to go over the top.  I doubt it!  If they have enough deep dug-outs I don’t fancy that the bombardment will worry them very much.

* * * * *

Now we are at rest for a day or two before the Push.  I am to be left out—­in charge of carriers.  Damn!  I might as well be A.S.C.  I see myself counting ration bags while the battalion is charging with fixed bayonets; and in the evening sending up parties of weary laden carriers over shell-swept areas, while I myself stay behind at the Dump.  Damn!  Damn!!  Damn!!!  Then I shall receive ironical congratulations on my “cushy” job.

* * * * *

Have just seen the battalion off.  I don’t start for another five hours.  I loathe war.  It is futile, idiotic.  I would gladly be out of the Army to-morrow.  Glory is a painted idol, honour a phantasy, religion a delusion.  We wallow in blood and torture to please a creature of our imagination.  We are no better than South Sea Islanders.

* * * * *

Just here the attack was a failure.  When I got to the Dump I found the battalion still there.  By an irony of fate I was the only officer of my company to set foot in the German lines.  After a day of idleness and depression I had to detail a party to carry bombs at top speed to some relics of the leading battalions, who were still clinging to the extremest corner of the enemy’s front line some distance to our left.  Being fed up with inaction, I took the party myself.  It was a long way.  The trenches were choked with wounded and stragglers and troops who had never been ordered to advance.  In many places they were broken down by shell-fire, in others they were waist-deep in water.  By dint of much shouting and shoving and cursing I managed to get through with about ten of my men, but had to leave the others to follow with a sergeant.