struck the rocker of the baby crib, she told him the doughnuts were in the third crock in the pantry on the floor.  He said it was one evidence of a clear headed man, that he could walk all over his own house in the dark.  At the head of the first pair of stairs he tripped on a baby cart and the tongue flew up and struck him on the knee, but by hanging to the bannisters he saved himself.  At the foot of the stairs he tumbled over a block house and broke off a toe nail.  He said it was a mean man that wouldn’t sacrifice a few toe nails for his little baby, and he laughed.  He fell over a dining room chair, and sat down in another, and when he got up he felt that though he was not proud, he was stuck up, for on his night shirt was a sticky fly paper that had been placed in readiness to catch the unwary early fly.  After peeling off the sticky paper, and subterraneously swearing a neat, delicate little female swear, he groped to the cellar door, and began to go down.

[Illustration:  THE STARTLED CAT.]

Now, if there is anything a boy ought to be punished for, it is for surreptitiously eating a large slice of musk melon and leaving the rind on the top stair.  It tends to make a boy disliked.  The head of the family stepped with his bare feet on the piece of melon, and sat down so quick that it made his head swim.  It made him swim all over, and under, and everywhere.  But if he sat down soon, he got up sooner.  If there is one thing that a house cat should be taught, it is to sleep elsewhere than on the top stair.  When he fell and struck the sleeping cat there was a crisis.  He took in the situation at once.  An occasional disengaged feline toe nail, and a squall, told him in burning words that, while his title to the seat was contested, it would be impolitic to wait for a commission of unbiased judges to decide which was entitled to it.  His opponent was armed, and had possession, and he felt that it would tend to prevent riot and bloodshed if he quietly gave up.  But he felt that while in his present position the cat was comparatively harmless, if he attempted to rise she would bring the whole army and navy into action, and perhaps cripple his resources.  So he decided to jump up in a hurry before the cat had time to think of her toe nails much.  His position was not pleasant, to say the least, but he jumped up in a hurry, hoping the cat would remain and continue her nap.  She was not a remaining cat and as soon as his weight was removed from her person, she gave a yell as though frightened, and began to walk up and down his legs, inside of his night shirt.  The question as to how many toe nails a cat has got, has never been decided, but he says they have a million, and he can show the documents to prove it.  She went up him as though he was a fence post, and a dog after her, and he flew around as though his linen was on fire, and yelled until his wife came down to see what was the matter.  By unbuttoning the top button the cat was coaxed out,