Since the introduction of the patent air brake on passenger trains, by which brakemen have been dispensed with, a number of patent right men have been studying up some contrivance to do away with conductors.  All have failed except one, and that fortunate inventor is Col.  Johnson, of the Railroad Eating House, Milwaukee.  He has been engaged for two years on this patent, and has got it so near completed that he has filed a caveat at the Patent Office, and as his rights are secured, it can do no harm to describe the invention, as it is destined to work quite a revolution in the railroad business.  It has been Col.  Johnson’s idea that an arrangement could be made so that an engineer of a train could have the whole train under his charge, to stop it, start it, collect fares, and bounce impecunious passengers, from his position on the engine, and do it all by steam, wind and water.  A series of pneumatic tubes run from the door of each car to the engine, with speaking tubes.  A passenger gets on the platform, and through the speaking tube asks the engineer what the fare is to such a place.  The answer is returned, the fare is put in the hopper of the pneumatic tube, it goes to the engineer, he pulls a string, the door flies open and the passenger enters.  Not the least important part of the machinery is the patent “aeolian bouncer,” as it is called.  A pair of ice tongs are placed so as to grasp the passenger by the seat of the pants or the polonaise, as the case may be, when he or she gets on the platform.  These tongs are connected with the air brakes, in such a manner that by the engineer’s touching a spring the whole force of the compressed air takes possession of the tongs, and the passenger is snatched bald-headed, metaphorically speaking.  For instance, a passenger gets on the platform at Portage, and the ice tongs grasp him or her securely.  If he or she pays the fare, the door is opened, the tongs release their hold, and the person is allowed to enter.  But if the engineer should find that they had no money, or that their pass had run out, and they were trying to beat their way, he would pull the string and they would be lifted back on the depot steps and stood on their heads, raised in the air and made to see stars.  Col.  Johnson has been offered a fabulous sum for his patent, but he has not decided whether to sell or lease it.  A trial trip was made at Milwaukee, the other day, and though the machine was not perfect, the experiment was not altogether a failure.  A car was arranged with the apparatus, and went out to the Soldier’s Home.  Col.  Johnson and a number of prominent railroad men were on board.  They got a veteran soldier and a Polack waman to allow the machine to experiment on them.  The machine took hold of the soldier and the engineer jerked.  The man had one leg torn off, and the seat of his overcoat was ruined.  He wouldn’t try again, so they let the woman step on the platform.  The engineer turned it the wrong way, and the car seemed