“Four lb. of bread (or 3 lb. of flour), 2-1/2 lb. of meat, and 3/4 lb. of sugar—­these are the voluntary rations for each person for a week, and in a household of five persons this works out at 23-1/3 lb. of bread and flour, 9 lb. of meat, and 4 lb. of sugar.”—­Weekly Scotsman.

We always like to have our arithmetic done for us by one who has the trick of it.

* * * * *

    “WANTED, False Teeth, any condition; highest price given, buying for
    Government.”—­Local Paper.

This may account for the statement in another journal that “the new Administration is going through teething troubles.”

* * * * *

Mr. Punch begs to call the attention of his readers to an exhibition of original War-Cartoons to be held by his namesake of Australia at 155, New Bond Street, beginning on February 22nd.  The cartoons are the work of Messrs. GEORGE H. DANCEY and CHARLES NUTTALL, of the Melbourne Punch.

* * * * *

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.

(The PRESIDENT of the United States and Mr. GERARD.)

The President. Here you are then at last, my dear Mr. GERARD.  I am afraid you have had a long and uncomfortable journey.

Mr. Gerard. Don’t say a word about that, Mr. President.  It’s all in the day’s work, and, anyhow, it’s an immense pleasure to be back in one’s own country.

The President. Yes, I can well believe that.  Living amongst Germans at this time can be no satisfaction to an American citizen.

Mr. G. No, indeed, Mr. President; you never said a truer word than that in your life.  The fact is the Germans have all gone mad with self-esteem, and are convinced that every criticism of their actions must have its foundations in envy and malignity.  And yet they feel bitterly, too, that, in spite of their successes here and there, the War on the whole has been an enormous disappointment for them, and that the longer it continues the worse their position becomes.  The mixture of these feelings makes them grossly arrogant and sensitive to the last degree, and reasonable intercourse with them becomes impossible.  No, Mr. President, they are not pleasant people to live amongst at this moment, and right glad am I to be away from them.

The President. And as to their submarine warfare, do they realise that we shall hold them to what they have promised, and that if they persist in their policy of murder there must be war between them and us?

Mr. G. The certainty that you mean what you say has but little effect on them.  They argue in this way:  Germany is in difficulties; the submarine weapon is the only one that will help Germany, therefore Germany must use that weapon ruthlessly and hack through with it, whatever may be urged on behalf of international law or humanity at large.  Humanity doesn’t count in the German mind because humanity doesn’t wear a German uniform or look upon the KAISER as absolutely infallible.  Down, therefore, with humanity and, incidentally, with America and all the smaller neutrals who may be disposed to follow her lead.