The mad mood passed, and there came a worthier mind.  He sat and looked along the avenue of his life.  He saw himself walking hand in hand with her.  Now she was not the instrument of his pleasure, but the helper in his good deeds.  By her sweet influence he was stronger to do well; his broader sympathies and fuller life made a servant more valuable to his Master; he would serve Heaven as well and man better, and, knowing the common joys of man, he would better minister to common pains.  Who was he that he should claim to lead a life apart, or arrogate to himself an immunity and an independence other men had not?  Man and woman created He them, and did it not make for good?  And he sank back in his chair, with the picture of a life before him, blessed and giving blessings, and ending at last in an old age, when she would still be with him, when he should be the head and inspiration of a house wherein God’s service was done, when he should see his son’s sons following in his steps, and so, having borne his part, fall asleep, to wake again to an union wherein were no stain of earth and no shadow of parting.

From these musings he awoke with a shudder, as there came back to him many a memory of lofty pitying words, with which he had gently drawn aside the cloak of seemliness wherein some sinner had sought to wrap his sin.  His dream of the perfect joint-life, what was it but a sham tribute to decency, a threadbare garment for the hideousness of naked passion?  Had he taught himself to contemplate such a life, and shaped himself for it, it might be a worthy life—­not the highest, but good for men who were not made for saints.  But as it was, it seemed to him but a glazing over of his crime.  Sternly there stood between him and it his profession and his pledge.  If he would forsake the one and violate the other, by Heaven, he would do it boldly, and not seek to slink out by such self-cozening.  At least he would not deceive himself again.  If he sinned, he would sin openly to his own heart.  There should be no compact:  nothing but defeat or victory!  And yet, was he right?  It would be pitiful if for pride’s sake, if for fear of the sneers of men, he were to kill her joy and defile his own soul with her heart’s blood.  People would laugh at the converted celibate—­was it that he feared?  Had he fallen so low as that? or was the shrinking he felt not rather the dread that his fall would be a stone of stumbling to others? for in his infatuation he had assumed to be an example.  Was there no distinguishing good and evil?  Could every motive and every act change form and color as you looked at it, and be now the counsel of Heaven, and now the prompting of Satan?  How, then, could a man choose his path?  In his bewilderment the darkness closed round him, and he groaned aloud.

It was late now, nearly midnight, and the house was quiet.  Stafford walked to the open window and leant out, bending his tired head upon his hand.  As he looked out he saw through the darkness Eugene and Ayre still sitting on the terrace.  Ayre was talking.