Do you suggest that I should turn my back on myself? No, that would be rude. Or give myself away? Nay, that were—­unthrifty. Can two solid things occupy the same space at the same time? By Zeus, no! Home-Rule—­a very solid thing—­fully occupies my mind—­for the present.  When a Gladstone-bag is full, can you put more into it? By Mercury, no!  But could you not reconsider the packing! Not if the contents consist of one article only.  You would like me to pack it with your Eight Hours’ Bill? Prodigiously!  Your strong personality, would push forward even a worse thing. How near are you to unanimity? As near as considerable difference of opinion will allow us to come. Is an unascertained minority to coerce an unwilling majority? Our Council has not discussed that? Do you know the relative proportions of majority and majority in organised and unorganised trades; how their respective opinions are to be ascertained, and, if ascertained, how legally enforced; if, and how, two millions and a half are to commit eleven millions to certain binding laws, and involve them in legal consequences? No!  Yes!  Hardly!  Not quite!  More or less!  Well, we’re not quite sure, &c., &c.

Socrates (smiling).  Now, tell me, THRASYMACHUS, is this the “harmony, or, as it were, unity of action,” on which only, as we agreed, we could found “the principle of permanency in a state or community?”

Thrasymachus-Shiptonides (hurriedly).  Well, what you say, SOCRATES, is very nice, and clear, and logical, and conclusive, in an argumentative sense, and your attitude is very noble and high-and-mighty—­I mean highminded and all that.  And we’re very grateful—­but deeply disappointed that you couldn’t say something quite different—­in view of the General Election, you know! (Meaningly.)

Socrates (mildly, but firmly).  It is not my political duty to say pleasant things all round, but to ascertain—­and tell—­the Truth.

All (deferentially).  Well, we are all tremendously thankful! (aside) for small mercies!  Logic scores in argument, but votes tell at the poll.  And if we do not run at least a hundred Labour Candidates to enlighten you as to our “unanimity,” call us—­items! [Exeunt.

* * * * *

Matinees of Peril are advertised at the Haymarket.  Most Matinees deserve this description.

* * * * *

THE ARCHDEACON ANSWERED.

[At the Annual Meeting of the Curates’ Augmentation Fund, Archdeacon KAYE, of Lincoln, urged the desirability of imposing some limitation to the number ordained to the Ministry of the Church of England, as three-fifths of the Clergy were in poverty.]

  “Oh, sad indeed it is to think,”
    Quoth good Archdeacon KAYE,
  “That though our Clergy are so ‘High,’
    So low should be their pay!