DENNIS.  I just came in, Mr. Norwood.

NORWOOD.  You know my name?

DENNIS.  Oh yes, I’ve heard a good deal about you, Mr. Cyril Norwood.

NORWOOD (stiffly).  I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of—­er——­

DENNIS (winningly).  Oh, but I’m sure you must have heard a good deal about me.

NORWOOD.  Good God, you don’t mean——­

DENNIS.  I do, indeed. (With a bow) Dennis Camberley, the missing husband. (Pleadingly) You have heard about me, haven’t you?

NORWOOD.  I—­er—­Mr. Camberley, yes, of course.  So you’re back?

DENNIS.  Yes, I’m back.  Sometimes they don’t come back, Mr. Norwood, and sometimes—­they do. . . .  Even after four years. . . .  But you did talk about me sometimes?

NORWOOD.  How did you know my name?

DENNIS.  A little bird told me about you.

NORWOOD (turning away in anger).  Pooh!

DENNIS.  One of those little Eastern birds, which sit on the backs of crocodiles, searching for—­well, let us say, breakfast.  He said to me one morning:  “Talking of parasites,” he said, “do you know Mr. Cyril Norwood?” he said, “because I could tell you an interesting story about him,” he said, “if you care to—­”

NORWOOD (wheeling round furiously).  Look here, sir, we’d better have it out quite plainly.  I don’t want any veiled insults and sneers from you.  I admit that an unfortunate situation has arisen, but we must look facts in the face.  You may be Mrs. Camberley’s husband, but she has not seen you for four years, and—­well, she and I love each other.  There you have it.  What are you going to do?

DENNIS (anxiously).  You don’t feel that I have neglected her, Mr.
Norwood?  You see, I couldn’t come home for week-ends very well, and—­

NORWOOD.  What are you going to do?

DENNIS (pleasantly).  Well, what do you suggest?

NORWOOD (taken aback).  Really, sir, I—­er—­

DENNIS.  You see, I feel so out of it all.  I’ve been leading such a nasty, uncivilised life for the last four years, I really hardly know what is—­what is being done.  Now you have been mixing in Society . . . making munitions . . .

NORWOOD (stiffly).  I have been engaged on important work for the
Government of a confidential nature—­

DENNIS.  You, as I was saying, have been mixing in Society, engaged on important work for the Government of a confidential nature——­

NORWOOD.  It was my great regret that I had no opportunity of enlisting——­

DENNIS.  With no opportunity, as I was about to say, of enlisting, but with many opportunities, fortunately, of making love to my wife.

NORWOOD.  Now look here, Mr. Camberley, I’ve already told you——­

DENNIS (soothing him).  But, my dear Mr. Norwood, I’m only doing what you said.  I’m looking facts in the face. (Surprised) You aren’t ashamed of having made love to my wife, are you?