CRUSOE.  I have a hundred acres of oats.

GOLDILOCKS.  Then, Robinson, I am yours. (They embrace) There!  Now tell me—­did you make all your clothes yourself?

CRUSOE (proudly).  All of them.

GOLDILOCKS (going off with him).  How wonderful of you!  Really you hardly seem to want a wife.

    [They go out.  Now it is the other couple’s turn.

Enter, then, BLUEBEARD and RIDING HOOD

BLUEBEARD.  Perhaps I ought to tell you at once, Miss Riding Hood, that
I have been married before.

RIDING HOOD.  Yes?

BLUEBEARD.  My last wife unfortunately died just before I started out here this evening.

RIDING HOOD (calmly).  Did you kill her?

BLUEBEARD (taken aback).  I—­I—­I—­

RIDING HOOD.  Are you quite a nice man, Bluebeard?

BLUEBEARD.  W-what do you mean?  I am a very rich man.  If you will marry me, you will live in a wonderful castle, full of everything that you want.

RIDING HOOD.  That will be rather jolly.

BLUEBEARD (dramatically) But there is one room into which you must never go. (Holding up a key) Here is the key of it. (He offers it to her.)

RIDING HOOD (indifferently) But if I’m never to go into it, I shan’t want the key.

BLUEBEARD (upset).  You—­you must have the key.

RIDING HOOD.  Why?

BLUEBEARD.  The—­the others all had it.

RIDING HOOD (coldly).  Bluebeard, you aren’t going to talk about your other wives all the time, are you?

BLUEBEARD.  N—­no.

RIDING HOOD.  Then don’t be silly.  And take this key, and go and tidy up that ridiculous room of yours, and when it’s nice and clean, and when you’ve shaved off that absurd beard, perhaps I’ll marry you.

BLUEBEARD (furiously drawing his sword).  Madam!

RIDING HOOD.  Don’t do it here.  You’ll want some hot water.

BLUEBEARD (trying to put his sword back).  This is too much, this is—­

RIDING HOOD.  You’re putting it in the wrong way round.

BLUEBEARD (stiffly).  Thank you. (He manages to get it in.)

RIDING HOOD.  Well, do you want to marry me?

BLUEBEARD.  Yes!

RIDING HOOD.  Sure?

BLUEBEARD (admiringly).  More than ever.  You’re the first woman I’ve met who hasn’t been afraid of me.

RIDING HOOD (surprised).  Are you very alarming?  Wolves frighten me sometimes, but not just silly men. . . . (Giving him her hand) All right then.  But you’ll do what I said?

BLUEBEARD.  Beloved one, I will do anything for you.

(CRUSOE and GOLDILOCKS come back.  Probably it will occur to the four of them to sing a song indicative of the happy family life awaiting them.  On the other hand they may prefer to dance. . . .)

But enough of this.  Let us get on to the great event of the evening.  Ladies and gentlemen, are you all assembled?  Then silence, please, for FATHER CHRISTMAS.