There was a man standing in an outer circle of the crowd around whose forehead was a bandage.  “Come here, my friend,” said the quack.  “How did you get this wound?  Don’t want to tell?  Oh! well, that is natural.  A horse kicked him, no doubt; never got it in a row!  No!  No!  Couldn’t any one hit him!  Reminds me of the man who saw a big black-and-blue spot on his boy’s forehead.  ‘My son,’ said he, ’I thought I told you not to fight?  How did you get this wound?’ ‘I bit it, father,’ replied the boy.

“‘Bit it!’ exclaimed the old man in astonishment, ’how could you bite yourself upon the forehead?’

“‘I climbed onto a chair,’ says he.

“And have you been climbing on a chair to bite your forehead, too, my friend?” he asked with humorous gravity, while a loud guffaw went up from the crowd.

“Well,” he continued soothingly, “whether you did it or not, just let me rub a little of this b-b-balm upon it, and by to-morrow morning it will be well.  There! that’s right.  One dollar is all it costs.  You don’t want it?  What the d-d-deuce did you let me open the b-b-bottle for?  I’ll leave it to the crowd if that is fair?  There, that is right.  Pay for it like a man.  It’s worth double its price.  Thank you.  By to-morrow noon you will b-b-be sending me a testimonial to its value.  Do you want to hear some of my testimonials, gentlemen?”

The crowd shuffled and stood over on its other foot.  The doctor, putting an enormous pair of spectacles upon his nose, took up a piece of paper and pretended to read slowly and carefully to avoid stammering: 

“’Dr. Aesculapius.

“’Dear Sir:  I was wounded in the Mexican war.  I have been unable to walk without crutches for many years; but after using your liniment, I ran for office!’ Think of it, gentlemen, the day of miracles has not passed.  ’I lost my eyesight four years ago, but used a bottle of your “wash” and saw wood.’  Saw wood, gentlemen, what do you think of that?  He saw wood!  ’Some time ago I lost the use of both arms; but a kind friend furnished me with a box of your pills, and the next day I struck a man for ten dollars.’  There is a triumph of the medical art, my friends.  And yet even this is surpassed by the following:  ’I had been deaf for many years, stone deaf; but after using your ointment, I heard that my aunt had died and left me ten thousand dollars.’  Think of it, gentlemen, ten thousand dollars!  And a written guarantee goes with every bottle, that the first thing a stone-deaf man will hear after using this medicine will be that his aunt has died and left him ten thousand dollars.”

During all these varied operations, David had never taken his eyes from the face of the quack.  Even his quick wit had often been baffled by the almost superhuman adroitness of this past grandmaster of his art.