Mr. JOHN HOLLINGSHEAD, after expressing his opinion that Mr. IRVING had been “seeing visions,”—­which of course is quite an Irvingite characteristic,—­proposed to put everything right everywhere, and be the Universal Legislator and Official Representative of Everybody.  Salary not so much an object as a comfortable home, a recognised official position, and “No Fees.” (The Commission still sitting may perhaps dissolve itself, and appoint the last witness as Sole Theatrical and Music Hall Commissioner, with no power to add to his number.)

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, May 9.—­House dealt with just now after manner of Horticultural Exhibition at Earl’s Court.  Laid out as three acres, through which JESSE COLLINGS might be expected to lead the cow.  But, as SQUIRE OF MALWOOD (a great authority on stock matters) says, the esteemed quadruped is dead, abandoned by its protector at time of disruption of Liberal Party.  Exists now only in the form of carcass, to be found rather in butchers’ shops than on quiet pastures.  Pity, this.  Difficult to imagine any better arrangement for what theatrical people call “properties” than the cow—­probably with a blue ribbon round its neck—­led through three acres of green meadow by JESSE COLLINGS, in clean smock-frock, with a crook in his hand.

[Illustration:  The Doctor-Baronet.]

Dr. CLARK says they don’t drive cattle with crooks.  But that’s a detail.  CLARK sure to contradict in any case.

Things very quiet to-night; quite pastoral.  Only one outburst; that arose when FOSTER accused CHAMBERLAIN of saying the thing that is not.  CHAMBERLAIN hotly rose, and appealed to Chairman to say whether the Doctor-Baronet was in order.  COURTNEY said, since he was asked, he must say he thought not.  So FOSTER changed the prescription.  CHAPLIN much gratified at this speedy close of rupture that threatened progress with Bill.  Presided over discussion with urbanity that was irresistible.

“Reminds me,” said WILFRID LAWSON, looking across at Right Hon. Gentleman seated on Treasury Bench, with deeply-bayed shirt-front, and head closely bent over copy of Bill, “of a motherly hen gathering its brood under its wings, and trying to make things comfortable all round.  Sometimes, when one of the brood grows a trifle importunate, the motherly expression on the expansive face sharpens, and the chicken is pecked at.  But, on the whole, little to disturb the serenity of the coop.”

Never before thought of CHAPLIN as an old hen.  But, really, with the place permeated with agricultural and farm-yard associations, LAWSON’s idea not so far out of it as it might appear to the domestic circle at Blankney Hall.

At half-past eleven those Scotchmen came up again.  Upset the henroost, devoured what was left of the cow, dug up the verdurous three acres, and till two o’clock in the morning harried the Commissioners under the Scotch University Act. Business done.—­In Committee on the Small Holdings Bill.