An ancestor of mine (the poet of the name)—­having transmitted to me a spark of his genius—­I propose to give my selections in verse—­select verse in fact, and will now in concluding my letter, give my tip for the probable last horse in the Derby—­(which, by the way, happens in this case to be a mare—­I repeat—­I am nothing if not original!)—­and, before doing so, I should like to express my sympathy with the Duke of WESTMINSTER and JOHN PORTER, who have indeed had an Orme-ful of trouble with the unfortunate erstwhile Derby Favourite, which would undoubtedly have been my selection had he not been scratched!  Yours devotedly,

    LADY GAY.

“THE TIP.”

  The Baron boldly said, “Je vais
    Renvoyer cette depeche: 
  ’A Monsieur FRY of London Town. 
    Un livre sur La Fleche.’”

* * * * *

HYDE PARK CORNER.

(MAY, 1892.)

  My hansom here completely stuck;
  No chance to catch my train, worse luck! 
          I sit and wonder: 
  Why should the roads be up in May? 
  Who muddles matters in this way,
          With bungling blunder?

  What use to make a shapeless space,
  Where rambling roadways interlace,
          And, in the Season,
  To close just what was meant to save
  This block, because they want to pave? 
          What is the reason?

  By Jove, it’s like some years ago,
  The traffic stopping in a row
          In Piccadilly! 
  The Vestry does not care a pin
  For all the muddle that we’re in;
          They’re much too silly.

  Perhaps they’d say they meant it well. 
  I do not know.  All I can tell
          Is that I’m raving. 
  I’d send that Vestry down below,
  Where all such good intentions go,
          To make more paving!

* * * * *

FAIR TRADERS.

Lady friend of my wife’s wants us to “try her tea”!  Seems she’s started (with two other Ladies) as Firm of Tea Merchants in City.  What are we coming to?  Or rather, what are male Tea Merchants coming to?  Mr. Registrar BROUGHAM, most likely.  In incautious moment—­as I was out—­wife promised to give her an order for a couple of pounds of her “best Ceylon Mixture.”

Tried it.  Never tasted such vile stuff!  Wife agrees, and asks me to call at the Firm’s Offices and see if they haven’t got anything with more Ceylon and less Mixture in it.  Don’t much like the job.  How can one blow up a woman whom one will have to meet in one’s own drawing-room, calling?

Have looked in.  Must say that Tea-dealeress is better than her tea.  Really quite an attractive person.  The three of them gave me afternoon tea in a little sanctum behind the shop, and chatted most pleasantly.  My wife’s friend the head of Firm.  Said the Ceylon Mixture was a mistake—­really intended for kitchen use—­but as they’ve only just started business, their stocks have got jumbled together.  She hoped—­quite penitently—­that I would “overlook the error.”