In the foolish friendships that make so much unhappiness, half the folly lies in expecting the other person to be always at high-water mark, and in being fretful and reproachful when she is not.

But to return to “schoolgirl friendships.”  When you go out into society you may perhaps want to make private jokes among your friends, or to talk privately to them instead of helping in general conversation, and you may feel “I have nothing much to contribute to the general stock; why shouldn’t I enjoy myself? it’s very hard I should be so severely criticized for bad manners if I do.”  But if you look into any such matter, you are sure to find that bad manners are bad Christianity.  There is a want of self-restraint in this schoolgirlishness; and you ought not to be able to pick out a pair of great friends in general society, not merely because, if you could, it would show them to be absurd and underbred, but because it would mean that others were made to feel “left out.”  Have you ever had some violent friendship—­or laughed at it in others—­which meant running in and out of each other’s houses at all hours—­being inseparable—­quoting your friend, till your brothers exclaimed at her very name—­and making all your family feel that they ranked nowhere in comparison with her?  In this matter of home and friends conflicting, I quite see the point of view of some:  “My family don’t give me the sympathy and help that my friend does—­they always tease or scold if I come to them in a difficulty, and yet they are vexed and jealous when I find a friend who can and will help.”

I do not say, Cut yourself off from your friend,—­she is sent by God to help you; but, Remember to feel for your Mother;—­see how natural and loving her jealousy is, and spare it by constant tact—­instead of being a martyr, feel that it is she, and not you, who is ill-used.  And in all ways, never let outside affections interfere with home ones.  It is the great difference between them, that outside, self-chosen affections burn all the stronger for repression and self-restraint; while home ones burn stronger for each act of attention to them and expression of them; e.g. postponing a visit to a friend for a walk with a brother will make both loves stronger, and vice versa,—­and your friendship will last all the longer because you consume your own smoke.  Dr. Carpenter says that signs of love wear out the feeling;—­every now and then they strengthen it, but their frequency shows weakness.  Friendships are God-given ties when they are real, but inseparable ones are mostly only follies;—­anyhow, family ties are the most God-given of all, and friendship should help us to fulfil family claims better, instead of making us neglect them.  The best test of whether your love for an outside person is of the right kind, is, does it make you pleasanter at home?  Mr. Lowell mentions an epitaph in the neighbourhood of Boston, which recorded the name and date of a wife and mother, adding simply, “She was so pleasant.”