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QUITE IN KEEPING.—­The Earl of DYSART has left the ranks of the Liberal Unionists and become a Gladstonian Home-Ruler.  “What more natural?” asked one of his former Unionist friends.  “Of course he’s dysarted us!”

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[Illustration:  A MISUNDERSTANDING.

He. “OH, IF I’D ONLY BEEN A ’BEAR’!”

She. “IF YOU HAD BEEN, YOU COULDN’T GROWL WORSE THAN YOU DO!”]

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ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, May 23.—­REDMOND, Junior, said really funny thing just now.  Rising to take part in resumed Debate on Irish Local Government Bill, he announced in loud angry tone that it would be waste of time to discuss a Bill the Government evidently did not intend to press through this Session, and he for one would be no party to such a farce.  Then he went on to talk for half an hour.

[Illustration:  “Joe!”]

Debate on the whole something better than last week’s contribution.  O’BRIEN delivered himself of glowing denunciation full of felicitous phrases, all got through in half an hour.  CHAMBERLAIN followed; has not yet got over startling novelty of his interposition in Debate being welcomed by loud cheers from Conservatives; thinks of old Aston-Park days, when the cheering was, as WEBSTER (not Attorney-General) says, “on the other boot.”  Now, when JOSEPH gets up to demolish his Brethren sitting near, Conservatives opposite settle themselves down with the peculiar rustling motion with which a congregation in crowded church or chapel arrange themselves to listen to a favourite preacher.  Pretty to watch them as CHAMBERLAIN goes forward with his speech, delighting them with surprise to find how much better is their position than they thought when it was recommended or extolled from their own side.  JOSEPH not nearly so acrimonious to-night as sometimes.  Still, as usual, his speech chiefly directed to his former Brethren who sit attentive, thinking occasionally with regret of the fatal shallowness of the pit, and the absence of arrangement for hermetically sealing it.  If only—­But that is another story.  COURTNEY at end of Bench is thinking of still another, which has the rare charm of being true.  It befel at a quiet dinner where JOSEPH, finding himself in contiguity with Chairman of Committees, took opportunity of rebuking him for his alleged laxity in repressing disorder.

[Illustration:  The Fighting Colonel.]

“I should like to know,” he asked, “whether, supposing I were to fire a pistol across the House, you would call it a breach of order.”

“I don’t think, CHAMBERLAIN,” said Prince ARTHUR, who was sitting at the other side of the table, “that if you were going to fire a pistol in the Commons, you would point it across the House.”  TIM HEALY just back from Dublin, where he’s been appearing in his favourite character of pacificator; followed CHAMBERLAIN, and later came SAUNDERSON.  But even he suffered from prevailing tone of dulness, and WILFRID LAWSON, fast asleep in the corner by Cross Benches, did not miss much. Business done.—­More talk on Local Government Bill.