Colonel (roused from surreptitious snooze).  “AS YOU WERE!—­NUMBER!”]

* * * * *

Result of the Blockade.

Notice on a railway bookstall:—­

“MEN AROUND THE KAISER. 
MUCH REDUCED.”

* * * * *

    “On the pier a man was arrested who declared excitedly that he was
    Frederick Hohenzollern, the Kaiser’s nephew, but he appeared quite
    harmless.”—­Daily News.

Obviously an impostor.

* * * * *

    “The khaki-clad boys were as merry as a party of undergraduates
    celebrating some joyous event at the college tuck-shop.”—­Yorkshire
    Herald.

What memories of the Junior Common Room are recalled by this artless phrase.

* * * * *

The Super-Submarine.

    “The Lyman M. Law was stopped by a gunshot fired by a submarine, which
    boarded the American boat, took the names of all on board, and then
    authorised the continuation of the voyage.”—­Evening News.

* * * * *

Experiences of Mr. GERARD’S party:—­

    “Our first surprise on reaching Paris was to find taxi-cabs, and
    taxi-cubs with pneumatic tyres.”—­Scots Paper.

We suggest that our M.F.H.’s should import a few of these in time for next season’s cubbing.  They give an excellent run for the money—­a mile for eightpence or so.

* * * * *

THE MISSING LEADER.

  What is Master WINSTON doing? 
  What new paths is he pursuing? 
  What strange broth can he be brewing?

  Is he painting, by commission,
  Portraits of the Coalition
  For the R.A. exhibition?

  Is he Jacky-obin or anti? 
  Is he likely to “go Fanti,”
  Or becoming shrewd and canty?

  Is he in disguise at Kovel,
  Living in a moujik’s hovel,
  Making a tremendous novel?

  Does he run a photo-play show? 
  Or in saeva indignatio
  Is he writing for HORATIO?

  Fired by the divine afflatus
  Does he weekly lacerate us,
  Like a Juvenal renatus?

  As the great financial purist,
  Will he smite the sinecurist
  Or emerge as a Futurist?

  Is he regularly sending
  HAIG and BEATTY screeds unending,
  Good advice with censure blending?

  Is he ploughing, is he hoeing? 
  Is he planting beet, or going
  In for early ’tato-growing?

  Is he writing verse or prosing,
  Or intent upon disclosing
  Gifts for musical composing?

  Is he lecturing to flappers? 
  Is he tunnelling with sappers? 
  Has he joined the U-boat trappers?

  Or, to petrify recorders
  Of events within our borders,
  Has he taken Holy Orders?