* * * * *

THE NON-STOP LINGUIST.

    “To O.C. ...  From ...  Brigade. ——­ Corps requires services of an
    officer who can speak Italian fluently for four or five days.”

* * * * *

    “Under the auspices of the Women’s Reform Club, a Ladies’ Fancy Dress
    Ball will be held at the Residential Club, Main Street.  No Gentlemen. 
    No Wallflowers.  Ladies may appear in mail attire.”—­Bulawayo
    Chronicle.

In their “knighties,” so to speak?

* * * * *

ANOTHER IMPENDING APOLOGY.

    “Bosley and district churchmen have thus a gaol set before them which
    it should be and, no doubt, will be their aim to reach as soon as
    possible.”—­Congleton Chronicle.

* * * * *

    “A few minutes later, with his suit-case in one hand and his
    type-writer in the other, he let himself out at the
    front-door,”—­Munsey’s Magazine.

Another case of the Hidden Hand.

* * * * *

    “Horse (vanner), thick set, 16 hands, 7 years, master 2 tons, reason
    sale, requires care when taken out of harness.”—­Birmingham Daily
    Mail.

Any horse might be excused for kicking up his heels on getting rid of a master of that weight.

* * * * *

    “Furnished room wanted; preferable where chicken run.”—­Enfield
    Gazette.

Our landlady won’t let us keep even a canary in ours.

* * * * *

    “BARONY UNITED FREE CHURCH.—­Special Lecture—­’The Great War Novel, Mr.
    Bristling Sees it Through.’"_—­Glasgow Evening News_.

Mr. WELLS ought to have thought of this.

* * * * *

HELPING LORD DEVONPORT.

“Francesca,” I said, “what are you doing to help Lord DEVONPORT?”

“Lots of things,” she said.  “For one thing, we’re living under his ration-scheme, and we’re doing it pretty well, thank you.”

“Yes, I know,” I said; “I’ve heard you mention it once or twice.  It seems to consist very largely of rissoles and that kind of food.”

“Well,” she said, “we must use up everything; and, besides, you’d soon get tired of beefsteak if I gave it to you every day.”

“Tired of beefsteak?” I said.  “Never.  The toughest steak would always be a joy to me.”

“I’ve come to the conclusion,” she said, “that men really like their eatables tough.”

“Yes, they want something they can bite into, you know.”

“But you can’t bite into our beefsteak, now can you?”

“Perhaps not,” I said, “but you can’t help feeling it’s there, which is a great help when you’re being rationed.”