Oh, the Colonel strafes the Old Man, an’ ’e strafes the Capting too,
    Then to the subs the ’eavy language flows;
  They comes an’ calls their Numbers One an inefficient crew
    An’ down it comes to junior N.C.O.’s;
  An’ then the B.S.M. chips in an’ gives ’em ’oly ’ell,
    An’ the full edition’s poured into the ear
  Of the man that’s got to be ubeek (an’ you be—­blest as well),
    The man with actin’ rank o’ bombardier.

  Or, if there’s nothin’ doin’ of a winter afternoon,
    The Old Man’s at ’eadquarters ‘avin’ tea,
  The section subs is feedin’ up with oysters in Bethoon,
    The Capting’s snorin’ out at the O.P.;
  The Sergeant-Major’s cleaned ‘is teeth an’ gone a prommynard,
    The N.C.O.s is somewhere drinkin’ beer,
  An’ the man they’ve left to work an’ drill an’ grouse an’ mount the guard
  Is of course your ‘umble actin’ bombardier.

  Oh, I’m the man that takes fatigues for bringin’ stores at night,
    Conductin’ G.S. wagons in the snow,
  An’ I’m the man that scrounges round to keep the ’ome fires bright
    ("An’ don’t you bloomin’ well be pinched, you know");
  An’ I’m the man that lashes F.P.1.’s up to the gun,
    An’ acts the nursemaid ’alf the ruddy day;
  An’ fifty other little jobs that ain’t exactly fun
    Accompany one stripe (without the pay).

  But no, we never grouses in the Roy’l Artillerie,
    Of cheerful things to think there’s quite a lot;
  Old Sergeant Blobbs is goin’ ’ome the end of Februree
    To do instructin’ stunts at Aldershot;
  The S.M.’s recommended (’Eavens!) for commissioned rank,
    An’ little changes means a step up ’ere,
  So if I keep me temper an’ go easy with vang blank,
    I’ll soon drop “actin’” off the “bombardier.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  WHO FOLLOWS?]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

[Illustration:  OPPOSITION APPROVAL OF THE NEW BOYS.

{ MR. WINSTON CHURCHILL (patting Sir EDWARD CARSON on the back) } { MR. HERBERT SAMUEL (patting Mr. BONAR LAW on the back) }

“HE’S BEEN TALKING SENSE.”]

Monday, February 19th.—­The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER announced that the “new money” subscribed for the War Loan amounted to at least seven hundred millions.  Being a modest man he refrained from saying, “A loan, I did it,” though it was largely due to his faith in the generosity and good sense of his fellow-citizens that the rate of interest was not more onerous to the State.

Mr. LYNCH thinks it would be a good idea if Ireland were specially represented at the Peace Conference, in order that her delegates might assert her right to self-government.  I dare say, if pressed, he would be prepared to nominate at least one of her representatives.  Having regard to the Nationalist attitude towards military service Mr. BALFOUR might have retorted that only belligerents would be represented at the Peace Conference, but he contented himself with a simple negative.