(VII.) Sketch, within ten sheets of MS., your idea of a becoming and serviceable uniform for a lady-driver.

(VIII.) Who said, and in what connection—­

  “The hand that stops the traffic rules the world”? 
  “This flag shall not be lowered at the bidding of an alien”?

(IX.) At the top of St. James’s Street you are hailed simultaneously by two spinster ladies with hand luggage, wishing to be driven to Euston, and by a single unencumbered gentleman whose destination is the Savoy Grill.  Well?

(X.) At what hour do performances at the London theatres end, and which do you consider the best places of concealment in which to secrete yourself at that time?

(XI.) What would be your correct procedure on receiving a simple direction to “The Palace” from—­

  (a) The PRIME MINISTER?
  (b) The Bishop of LONDON?
  (c) Any Second-Lieutenant?

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Old Lady (buying records to send to France—­to assistant in Gramophone Department).

“IF THAT ONE IS THE SONG CALLED, ‘THERE’S A SHIP THAT’S BOUND FOR BLIGHTY,’ I’LL TAKE IT.  BUT WILL YOU FIRST LET ME KNOW IF IT CONTAINS ANY INFORMATION WHICH COULD BE OF ADVANTAGE TO THE ENEMY?”]

* * * * *

A PROPHET OF EVIL.

    “SIR EDWARD CARSON ON THE ADMIRALTY’S NEW FIGHTING POLICY.

    ‘IT CAN AND WILL BE DEFEATED.’”—­Headlines in “The Daily
    Chronicle.”

* * * * *

From an official circular relating to the British Industries Fair:—­

    “Information regarding the best means of reaching the Fair from all
    parts of London will be obtainable at the Fair, but will not be
    available before the opening day.”

You must get there first, if you want to be told how to get there.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  The Vicar (to Mrs. Bloggs, who has been describing the insulting behaviour of the lady next door).  “WELL, WELL, IT MUST BE MOST UNPLEASANT BEING SHOUTED AT OVER THE WALL, BUT I SUPPOSE THE BEST THING IS TO TAKE NO NOTICE.”

Mrs. Bloggs.  “THAT’S WHAT I SHOULD LIKE TO DO, SIR.  BUT O’ COURSE I ’AS TO GIVE ’ER A ANSWER BACK NOW AND AGAIN—­JUST TO KEEP THE PEACE, LIKE.”]

* * * * *

THE ACTING BOMBARDIER.

  When JOOLIUS CAESAR took ’is guns along the pavvy road
    An’ strafed the bloomin’ ’eathens on the Rhine,
  The men ’oo did ‘is dirty work an’ bore the ’eavy load
    Was the men ’ose job did correspond to mine. 
  When NAP. dug in ’is swossung-kangs be’ind the ugly Fosse
    And made the Prooshians sweat their souls with fear,
  The men ’oo ’elped ’im most of all to slip it well across
    Was the men with actin’ rank o’ bombardier.