What to do with Our Dogs.

    “FOR SALE.—­Pure Bred Irish Terrier Dog, right thing to wear now. 
    Seamless, comfortable.  All Wool.”—­Bedford Daily Circular.

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    “Bread embroideries encircle the figure.”—­Glasgow Citizen.

An appropriate adornment for the bread basket, no doubt, but too extravagant in these times.

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BUNNY’S LITTLE BIT.

  This scheme of keeping rabbits
    To fatten them as food
  Breaks up the kindly habits
    Acquired in babyhood;
  For we, as youthful scions,
    Were taught to love the dears
  And bring them dandelions
    And lift them by the ears.

  We learned how each new litter
    That came to Flip or Fan
  Grew finer and grew fitter
    With tea-leaves in the bran;
  We learned which stalks were milky
    And which were merely tough,
  What grass was good for Silky
    And what was good for Fluff.

  Such moral mild up-bringing
    Now makes me much distressed
  When little necks need wringing
    And little paws protest,
  Lest wraiths from empty hutches
    Should haunt me, hung in pairs,
  And ghosts—­’tis here it touches—­
    Of happy Belgian hares.

  However, with my morals
    I manfully shall cope,
  And back my country’s quarrels,
    But none the less I hope
  Before poor Bunny’s taken
    As stuff for knife and fork
  The hedge-hog will be bacon,
    The guinea-pig be pork.

W.H.O.

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PROBLEMS FOR PETROLEUSES.

The Metropolitan Commissioner of Police having decided to sanction women taxicab drivers, we understand that all applicants for licences will be required to pass a severe examination in “knowledge of London.”  As, however, this will be concerned mainly with localities and quickest routes, we venture to suggest to the examiners a few supplementary questions of a more general character:—­

(I.) How far should a cab-wheel revolving at fifteen miles an hour, be able to fling a pint of London mud?

(II.) Has a pedestrian any right to cross a road? and, if so, how much?

(III.) With three toots of an ordinary motor-horn indicate the following:—­(a) contempt, (b) rage, (c) homicidal mania.

(IV.) Under what circumstances, if any, should the words “Thank you” be employed?

(V.) Having been engaged at 11.35 P.M. to drive an elderly gentleman, wearing a fur-coat, to Golder’s Green, you are tendered the legal fare plus twopence.  Express, within ladylike limits, your appreciation of this generosity.

(VI.) On subsequently discovering the same gentleman to be a member of the Petrol Control Committee, revise your answer accordingly.