Then I was brought into the deepest distress and perplexity of soul, to think that after my experience of conversion, and all I had done for the conversion of others, I was still such a vile, self-condemned sinner.  I even began to think that I had never been converted; it appeared to me that my whole life was nothing but intense selfishness; that I availed myself of the blood of Christ for my salvation and happiness, and led others to do the same, rejoicing with them in thus making use of God for the purpose of getting quit of hell and gaining heaven.  It was a clear case of making God serve me, instead of my serving Him.  Many other things came to my mind, by which I knew there was an immense gap between my experience and the Word of God.  I can see it all now; but at the time it was very dark and grievous.

When I had been under conviction before, at the time of my conversion, it was, as it were, with my eyes shut; but now they were open:  then I saw my sins, and the penalty which was due to them; now I saw my unrighteousness, and the corruption of my nature.  I felt as if I were two persons, and that there was a law in my members warring against the law of my mind, the flesh contending against the Spirit.  “O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” For a whole week I was in great distress of mind, especially during the last three days.

On Sunday morning, as I was going to the early Communion, my soul was set at liberty.  I felt as if a great cloud was lifted up; the light shone into my soul; and I had deliverance.  I was exceedingly happy in the knowledge that the risen Christ Himself was my help—–­that He who had hidden His presence in a pillar of cloud and fire, now was Himself present in person, my omnipotent Friend and leader!

This was quite a new experience, and one I had not known before.  I thought that I had not even heard or read of it, and therefore began to suspect whether it was a temptation.  I determined to be wise, and not commit myself too soon, so made up my mind that I would not refer to it in the pulpit.  But at the close of the service a stranger came into the vestry to thank me for my sermon; and when we were alone he put the question to me, “How long have you known Sanctification?”

I replied, “Do I know it now?”

“Yes,” he said, “you preached it experimentally this morning; and I shall be very much surprised if you have not some inquiries on the subject before the day is out.”

I felt reproved before this stranger’s steady gaze, and confessed that I had received the blessing that very morning; but thinking that it might be a temptation, I had determined to say nothing about it.

He said, “That was a temptation from the devil, sure enough, to hinder you; for the Lord spoke on this subject through your sermon as dearly as ever I have heard.  Do not be afraid, but go on and tell others.”

So in the evening I preached on Sanctification, and we had an after-meeting in the schoolroom.  Many believers stayed behind to ask questions upon the subject of my sermon.  I do not remember how I replied to them; but imperfect as my statements must have been, it nevertheless led others to desire to enter into the experience of this same blessing.