The Ch.  O.G. (sidling affably up to the Irritable Person as he is moving out).  Marvellous strides Science has made of late, Sir!  Almost incredible.  I declare to you, while I was sitting there, I positively felt inclined to ask myself the question—­

The Irr.  P. Allow me to say, Sir, that another time, if you will obey that inclination, and put the question to yourself instead of other people, you will be a more desirable neighbour in a Telephone Room than, I confess I found you!

    [He turns on his heel, indignantly.

The Ch.  O.G. (to himself).  ’Strordinary what unsociable people one does come across at times!  Now I ’m always ready to talk to anybody, I am—­don’t care who they are.  Well—­well—­ [He walks on, musing.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  QUITE NATURAL.

Mamma. “ETHEL DEAR, WHY WON’T YOU SAY GOOD-BYE TO THIS GENTLEMAN?  HE IS VERY KIND!”

Ethel. “BECAUSE, MUMMY DEAR, YOU TOLD HIM JUST NOW HE IS ’THE LION OF THE SEASON,’—­AND I AM SO FRIGHTENED!”]

* * * * *

“DE PROFUNDIS.”

(BY AN INDIGNANT “OUTSIDER.")

  A masterpiece, worthy of TURNER,
    Was mine, there my friends all agree,
  No work of a pot-boiling learner,
        My “View on the Dee.”

  A place on the line I expected,
    Associate shortly to be! 
  Hang me, if it isn’t rejected,
        And marked with a D!

  I will not repeat what I uttered
    When this was reported to me;
  The mere monosyllable muttered
        Begins with a D.

* * * * *

ON THE (POST) CARDS.

["Sir JAMES FERGUSSON does not hesitate to declare his opinion that rudeness or incivility on the part of a Post-Office servant is, next to dishonesty, one of the worst offences he can commit.  This notice is not addressed to men alone.  Of the young women employed by the department, there are, he says, some, if not many, whom it is impossible to acquit of inattention and levity in the discharge of their official duties.  It is Sir JAMES FERGUSSON’s intention to ascertain, at short intervals, the effect of this notice on the behaviour of Post-Office officials generally.”—­Daily Paper.]

    SCENE—­Interior of a Post Office.  Female Employees engaged
    in congenial pursuits.

First Emp. (ending story).  And so she never got the bouquet, after all, and he went to Margate, without even saying good-bye.

Second Emp. (her Friend).  Well, that was hard upon her!

First Member of the Public (entering briskly and putting coppers on the counter).  Now then, three penny stamps, please!

First Emp. (to her Friend).  Yes, as you say, it was hard, as of course the matter of the pic-nic was no affair of hers.