The King. All sorts of disagreeable things.  For instance, I am to move my troops to the Peloponnese, so as to get them out of harm’s way.

The Kaiser. Well, move them.  What are troops for except to be moved about?  You can always move them back again, you know.  I keep on moving troops forward and backward all the time.  It’s a mere nothing when you once get accustomed to it.  Just you try it and see.  Anything more?

The King. Yes; I’m to release from prison the followers of the pestilential VENIZELOS.

The Kaiser. That’s unpleasant, of course, for a patent Greek War-Lord; but I should do it if I were you, and then you can let me know how it feels.

The King. Look here, William, I don’t know what’s the matter with you, but I wish you wouldn’t try to be so funny.  You seem to think the whole affair’s a sort of German joke.  So it is, by Zeus—­that’s to say it’s no joke at all.

The Kaiser. Manners, TINO, manners.

The King. I’m sick and tired of all this talk.

The Kaiser. If you go on like that I shall not talk to you any more.

The King. Don’t say that; I could not bear such a loss.  But, seriously, are you going to help as you promised?

The Kaiser. I cannot help you now.  You must play for time.

The King. I’ve exhausted all the possibilities of playing for time.  It wouldn’t be the least good.  They really mean it this time, and they’ve given me a strictly limited period for compliance.

The Kaiser. Well, I suppose you know best, but I should have thought you could have spun out negotiations for a hit—­given them a little promise here and a little promise there on the chance of something turning up.

The King. The long and the short of it is that you promised to help us, but it was only a little promise here or there, and you don’t mean to keep it.  I shall accept the ultimatum.

The Kaiser. The what?  The telephone’s buzzing again.

The King. The ULTIMATUM!!

The Kaiser. Oh, the ultimatum.  Yes, by all means accept it.  And, by the way, I’m publishing a volume of my War-speeches, and will make a point of sending you an early copy.  You might get it reviewed in the Athens papers.

The King. Gr-r-r.

* * * * *

OUR HELPFUL GOVERNMENT.

    “Don’t grow potatoes where they will not grow.  OFFICIAL
    ADVICE.”—­Daily Express.

* * * * *

JOURNALISTIC MODESTY.

“The sale of yesterday’s Christmas Number of the Daily Gazette already exceeds that of last year’s Christmas Number by more than 50 per cent.  The sell is still going on actively.”—­Daily Gazette (Karachi).

* * * * *