***

[Illustration:  Progress.]

***

Kensington Council states that 300,000 tons of food are consumed annually by thousands of dogs which serve no useful purpose.  The dogs, on the other hand, are asking what would become of the nation’s womanhood if there were no dogs to take it out for exercise in the afternoon.

***

The Government, it appears, is determined to keep Charing Cross Railway Station on the North side of the river.  All the objections to the present site, they point out, are easily outweighed by its proximity to the National Gallery.

***

At Highgate, says a news item, a man named yells was fined for having in his possession pork which was not sound.  It was suggested that defendant had held back the squeal for his own purposes.

***

An applicant recently informed the House of Commons’ Tribunal that cutting sandwiches was highly skilled work, which could not be done satisfactorily by women.  The difficulty appears to consist not in the actual cutting, but in conveying the hammy taste from the knife to the bread without actually parting with the ham itself.

***

Skipping is recommended as a healthy recreation.  Several Germans on the Ancre say they already owe their lives to this practice.

***

It is now proposed that Telephone Directories should be charged for.  The idea appears to be to bring them into line with other light literature; but Punch fears no rivals.

***

It has been decided by Mr. Paul Taylor at Marylebone that bacon is meat.  Lord DEVONPORT, now that his suspicion has been judicially confirmed, has announced his intention of going ahead on that basis.

***

From a school-girl’s examination paper:—­“Question. What do you know of Tantalus? Answer:  Tantalus suffered from continual hunger and thirst in internal regions.”

* * * * *

Children’s tales for grown-ups.

III.

Its own reward.

“What fun!” cried the wasp.

“Where?” asked the bee looking up with a subdued smile.

“I mean I can’t help laughing,” said the wasp.

“A disgusting habit,” said the bee.

“Look at those people nearly out of their wits.  Here goes for old Bless-my-Soul again!” He flew off and buzzed round the old gentleman’s neck and then flew back to the bee, laughing louder than ever at his purple rage.

“I don’t know what you think of your conduct,” said the bee severely, “but I think it is insects like you who give us all a bad name.”

“Be hanged to your bad name,” scoffed the wasp.  “A short life and a merry one, say I.”

“A busy life and a useful one, rather,” said the bee.  “I am proud to be the friend of man.”