“I own that before my arrival I felt an occasional qualm
  Lest the shock of the unexpected might shatter my wonted calm;
  But it gave me the richest rapture to find I was wholly free
  From the crude and vulgar emotions that harass the plain V.C.

  “I inspected the great war-engine, and, instead of its going strong,
  I saw that in each of its workings there was always something wrong;
  In fact, with the old black powder and the obsolete Brown Bess
  The chances of missing your target were infinitely less.

  “The so-called arm of precision scores only by lucky hits,
  Though the ‘heavies’ and high explosives may possibly blow you to bits;
  I saw one corpse on my ‘joy-ride,’ the head had been blown away,
  And the thought of this painless ending produced in me no dismay.”

Now he’s back in the finest feather from his holiday with the Staff, And we’re sure that no one will grudge him the meed of this epitaph: "He went through the fiery furnace, but never a hair was missed From the heels of our most colossal Arch-Super-Egotist."

* * * * *

“GREAT WHITE SALE.

UNREPEATABLE BARGAINS IN LINGERIE.”—­Daily Paper.

We respect this reticence.

* * * * *

    “The public are responding but slowly to the appeal of the Post Office
    to facilitate the delay of correspondence in London by using the new
    numbered addresses.”—­Daily Mail.

If that is really the object, why hurry?

* * * * *

[Illustration:  CANCELLED

BY ORDER OF THE COMPETENT MILITARY AUTHORITY.]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, March 12th.—­Having declared war upon the Government the Nationalists are seeking a suitable plan of campaign.  The Home Rule demand never obtained much support among the Irish farmers until FINTAN LALOR hitched it on to the Land question, and ever since Mr. WYNDHAM’S Land Purchase Act turned the tenants into prospective owners it has been steadily losing momentum.  Mr. GINNELL, who made his reputation as a perverse species of cowboy, now witnesses with grim satisfaction the efforts of his colleagues to borrow his policy and break up the grass farms.  It was rather hard on him that the Parliamentary printer should have ruined one of his questions on the subject by making him say “that the reason”—­instead of the season—­“for breaking this land is passing away.”

The HOME SECRETARY is regarded by those who do not know him intimately as a somewhat austere person, but given the right atmosphere he can be as lively as anybody.  Questioned about the reopening of Ciro’s, he betrayed a minute acquaintance with the details of its programme.  I was beginning to wonder if he were related to that famous Early-Victorian family, the Caves of Harmony, when his knowledge broke down.  On being asked by his old friend Mr. BUTCHER to define a cabaret-entertainment he was nonplussed, and could only refer him to Colonel LOCKWOOD as a probable authority.