“Tut-t——­”

“Tut me no more of your tuts, Francesca,” I said, “for I am engaged in a most complicated and difficult arithmetical calculation.”

“If,” said Francesca deliberately, “two men in corduroys, with straps below their knees, and a boy in flannel shorts, all working seven hours and a half per day for a week, can plant five thousand potatoes on an acre of land, how many girls in knickerbockers will be required to——­”

“Stop, Francesca,” I said, “or I shall go mad.”

“If,” she continued inexorably, “a train travelling at the rate of sixty-two miles and three-quarters in an hour takes two and a half seconds to pass a lame man walking in the same direction find how many men with one arm each can board a motor-bus in Piccadilly Circus, having first extracted the square root of the wheel-base.”

“Stow it,” I said.

“Isn’t that rude?” she said.

“Yes,” I said; “it was intended to be.”

“Well, but what are you doing?”

“I’m calculating rates of percentage on the new War Loan,” I said.

“Why worry over that?” she said.  “It announces itself as a five-per-center, and I’m willing to take it at its word.  What’s your difficulty?  Surely you do not impute prevarication to the CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.”

“No,” I said, “far from it.  I have the greatest possible respect for him.  I’m sure he would not deceive a poor investor; but he doesn’t know my difficulties.  It’s this getting L100 by paying only L95 that’s knocking me sideways; and then there’s the income tax, and the other loan at four per cent., on which no income tax is to be charged, and the conversion of the old four-and-a-half per cent.  War Loan, and of the various lots of Exchequer Bonds.  It’s all as generous as it can be, but for a man whose mathematical education has been, shall we say, defective, it’s as bad as a barbed-wire entanglement.”

“Oh, don’t muddle your unfortunate head any more.  Just plank down your money and take what they give you.  That’s my motto.”

“No doubt,” I said; “that’s all very well for you.  You aren’t the head of the household, with all its cares depending on you.  Heads of households ought-to know their exact position.”

“Well, then, heads of households ought to have learnt their arithmetic better and remembered more of it.  The children and I haven’t allowed ourselves to be hindered by little obstacles of that kind.”

“What,” I said, “are you and the children in it too?”

“Yes, we’re all in it.  I’ve put in the spare money from the housekeeping——­”

“I always knew you got too much.”

“And the children have chipped in with their savings.”

“Savings?” I said.  “How have they got any savings?”

“Presents from affectionate godmothers and aunts, which were put into the Post Office Savings Bank.  They’re all out now and into the Loan—­all, that is, except Frederick’s little all.”