Providence who first gave me breath) I bow my devoted
head, with that fortitude, cheerfulness, and resignation,
which is the duty of every member of the church of
our blessed Saviour and Redeemer Christ Jesus.
To Him alone I now look up for succour, in full
hope that perhaps a few days more will open to
the view of my astonished and fearful soul His
kingdom of eternal and incomprehensible bliss, prepared
only for the righteous of heart.
’I have not been found guilty of the slightest act connected with that detestable crime of mutiny, but am doomed to die for not being active in my endeavours to suppress it. Could the witnesses who appeared on the Court-martial be themselves tried, they would also suffer for the very same and only crime of which I have been found guilty. But I am to be the victim. Alas! my youthful inexperience, and not depravity of will, is the sole cause to which I can attribute my misfortunes. But so far from repining at my fate, I receive it with a dreadful kind of joy, composure, and serenity of mind; well assured that it has pleased God to point me out as a subject through which some greatly useful (though at present unsearchable) intention of the divine attributes may be carried into execution for the future benefit of my country. Then why should I repine at being made a sacrifice for the good, perhaps, of thousands of my fellow-creatures; forbid it, Heaven! Why should I be sorry to leave a world in which I have met with nothing but misfortunes and all their concomitant evils? I shall on the contrary endeavour to divest myself of all wishes for the futile and sublunary enjoyments of it, and prepare my soul for its reception into the bosom of its Redeemer. For though the very strong recommendation I have had to his Majesty’s mercy by all the members of the Court may meet with his approbation, yet that is but the balance of a straw, a mere uncertainty, upon which no hope can be built; the other is a certainty that must one day happen to every mortal, and therefore the salvation of my soul requires my most prompt and powerful exertions during the short time I may have to remain on earth.
’As this is too tender a subject for me to inform my unhappy and distressed mother and sisters of, I trust, dear Sir, you will either show them this letter, or make known to them the truly dreadful intelligence in such a manner as (assisted by your wholesome and paternal advice) may enable them to bear it with Christian fortitude. The only worldly feelings I am now possessed of are for their happiness and welfare; but even these, in my present situation, I must endeavour, with God’s assistance, to eradicate from my heart, how hard soever the task. I must strive against cherishing any temporal affections. But, my dear Sir, endeavour to mitigate my distressed mother’s sorrow. Give my everlasting duty to her, and unabated love to my disconsolate brothers and sisters, and all my other relations. Encourage them,