[Illustration]

  The Cabman’s thrifty fares,
  Who would seek suburban airs,
    Desire, of course, a more extended “radius;”
  But, Cabby, it is clear,
  Thinks quite otherwise.  I fear
    The controversy’s growing rather “taydious.” 
  Whether by night or day,
  A fair fare the fare should pay,
    And Cabby should not overcharge unduly;
  But this is what riles me,
  When churl Cabby will not see
    A would-be fare, but just ignores him coolly.

  Chorus.

“Hi! hi!  Cab!  Hi!” Oh, no!  On the sullen brute will go; When he wants a fare, he’s clamorous and unruly; But if he wants a drink, With a sneer or with a wink, He’ll rumble on and just ignore you coolly.

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[Illustration:  DESTROYING THE MONEY-LENDER’S WEB; OR, THE THIRTEENTH LABOUR OF HERSCHELLES.]

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[Illustration:  RATHER SMART ALL ROUND.

Lady Di. (who has been trying a Horse with a view to purchase).  “AND DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT HE’S QUITE UP TO MY WEIGHT, MR. SPAVIN?”

Spavin. “LOR!  MY LADY, HE’D CARRY TWO OF YOU!”

Lady Di. “WHAT?  DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT I’M ONLY HALF A HORSEWOMAN?”

Spavin. “BY NO MEANS, MY LADY.  BUT ANOTHER LIKE YOUR LADYSHIP WOULD LOOK SO WELL ON THE OTHER SIDE!”]

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HOW TO REPORT THE PRACTICE OF THE CREWS.

(NEWEST STYLE.)

Scarcely had the tintinabulum fixed on the altitude of the clock tower of the ecclesiastical building known to fame and rowing men as Putney Church sounded out the merry chimes of eleven in the forenoon, when the wielders of the sky-blue (or dark-blue) blades were observed by the eager frequenters of the tow-path carrying their trim-built ship to the water’s edge.  Not many moments were cut to waste before each man had safely ensconced himself on the thwart built for him under the experienced eyes of the champion boat-builder.  The men looked, it must in all fairness be admitted, in the high level of condition.  In each eye there blazed a stern determination to do or die on every possible occasion.  When the signal to start was given, the boat was observed to move with the bounding speed of a highly-trained greyhound.  The oars dipped into the water like one man, though a marked inclination was observed on the part of two or three of the oarsmen to “hurry,” while the rest seemed equally disposed to be “late.”  A few fatherly words from the prince of modern coaches soon had the desired effect of placing matters on a more completely satisfactory footing.  The suggestion often made in these columns that a swifter rate of striking should be introduced, was acted upon.  The boat moved with perfect evenness, while the wavelets played round her like young dolphins out for a holiday.