* * * * *

“To have and to hold.”

  Big promises and Party scoldings
  Won’t cure “Small Savings” by “Small Holdings.”

* * * * *

The Marvels of modern science.

    Scene—­Interior of Small Box containing telephone with book
    of addresses.  Enter hurriedly Impatient Subscriber.

Impatient Subscriber (turning over leaves of address-book).  Of course I can’t find it!  Ah! here it is! 142086. (Rings bell of telephone, and listens with receivers to his ear.) Now I have forgotten it! (Puts back receivers on rests, and refers again to book.  Telephone bell rings in answer.  He hurries back and calls.) One hundred and forty-two nought eighty-six.

First Voice (from telephone).  One hundred and forty-two?

Imp.  Sub. Yes, and nought eighty-six.

First Voice.  Which do you want?

Imp.  Sub. Why, both.

First Voice.  You can’t.  Must have one at a time.

Imp.  Sub. It’s only one.  One four two nought eight six.

First Voice.  One four two nought eight six?

Imp.  Sub. Yes, please.  One four two nought eight six.

First Voice.  Very well.  Why didn’t you give the number before?

Imp.  Sub. (angrily).  Well, I have given it now. (He listens intently, exclaiming now and again, “Are you there?” and then rings.) One four two nought eight six, please.

First Voice (after a pause).  What!

Imp.  Sub. One four two nought eight six, please.

[Illustration]

First Voice (as if the number is now heard for the first time).  One four two nought eight six?

Imp.  Sub. Yes, please.  And look sharp!

First Voice.  What?

Imp.  Sub. One four two nought eight six.

First Voice.  I hear.  One four two nought eight six. [The communication is cut off for a couple of minutes.

Imp.  Sub. (for the sixth time).  Are you there?

Second Voice.  Yes.  Who is it?

Imp.  Sub. I am BOSH, BOODLE & CO.

Second Voice.  RUSH, RUDDLE & CO.?

Imp.  Sub. No.  BOSH, BOODLE & CO.

First Voice.  Have you finished?

Imp.  Sub. No, no—­we are still speaking.  I want to know if you have sent that case of champagne to BUMBLETON?

Second Voice.  What?  I can’t hear you.

Imp.  Sub. (speaking very slowly, as if dictating to imperfectly educated infants).  Have—­you—­sent—­that—­case—­of—­cham—­pagne—­to BUM—­BLE—­TON?