Author. Well, I put my whole soul into it, you know; but it’s not till this next Act that I show my full power. [Curtain rises on a drawing-room, furnished with dingy wrecks from the property-room—­the home of JASPER, the Villain, who is about to give an evening party.  Enter a hooded crone. “Sir JASPER, I have a secret of importance, which can only be revealed to your private ear!” (Shivers of apprehension amongst the audience.) Sir J. “Certainly, go into yonder apartment, and await me there.” (Sigh of relief from spectators.) A Footman. “Sir, the guests wait!” Sir J. (with lordly ease).  “Bid them enter!” (They troop in unannounced and sit down against the wall, entertaining one another in dumb-show.) Footman (re-entering).  “Sir, a roughly-dressed stranger, who says he knew you in Norway, under an alias, requests a few words.” Sir J. “Confusion!—­one of my former accomplices in crime—­my guests must not be present at this interview!” (To Guests.) “Ladies and Gentlemen, will you step into the adjoining room for a few minutes, and examine my collection of war-weapons?” (Guests retire, with amiable anticipations of enjoyment.  The Stranger enters, and tells another long story.) “I smile still,” he concludes—­“but even a dead man’s skull will smile.  Allow me then the privileges of death!” (At this an irreverent Pittite suddenly guffaws, and the Audience from that moment perceives that the piece possesses a humorous side.  The Stranger goes; the Guests return.  Re-enter Footman).  “Sir, an elderly man, who was acquainted with your family years ago, insists on seeing you, and will take no denial!” Villain (with presence of mind—­to Guests.) “Ladies and Gentlemen, will you step into the neighbouring apartment, and join the dancers?” (The Guests obey.  The Elderly Man enters, and denounces JASPER, who mendaciously declares that he is his own second cousin JOSEPH; whereupon the visitor turns down his coat-collar, and takes off a false beard.) “Do you know me now, JASPER SHOPPUN?” he cries. “I am JOSEPH—­your second cousin!"...  “What, ho, Sir Insolence!” the Villain retorts.  “And so you come to deliver me to Justice?"...  “Not so,” says JOSEPH.  “Long years ago I swore to my dying Aunt to protect your reputation, even at the expense of my own.  I come to warn you that”—­&c., &c. (The Audience, who are now in excellent spirits, receive every incident with uncontrollable merriment till the end of the Act.  Another long wait, enlivened by a piccolo solo.)

Author. LAVINIA, it’s too disgraceful—­it’s a deliberate conspiracy to turn the piece into ridicule.  I never thought my own relations would turn against me—­and yet I might have known!

Comp. It wasn’t the play they laughed at, dear—­that’s lovely—­but it’s so ridiculously acted, you know!