WHAT THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, MR. PUNCH, SAYS TO THE ARTISTS’ CORPS.—­“Gentlemen, you would no doubt like a brush with the enemy, to whom you will always show a full face.  Any colourable pretence for a skirmish won’t suit your palette.  You march with the colours, and, like the oils, you will never run.’  You all look perfect pictures, and everybody must admire your well-knit frames.  Gentlemen, I do not know whether you will take my concluding observation as a compliment or not, but I need hardly say that it is meant to be both truthful and complimentary, and it is this, that though you are all Artists, you look perfect models,”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  CONSCIENTIOUS.

Mr. Boozle (soliloquises).  “MY MEDICAL MAN TOLD ME NEVER ON ANY ACCOUNT TO MIX MY WINES.  SO I’LL FINISH THE CHAMPAGNE FIRST, AND THEN TACKLE THE CLARET!”]

* * * * *

“BUTCHER’D TO MAKE—.”

[On Monday the 14th a “lion-tamer” was torn to pieces in a
show at Hednesford.]

Shame to the callous French, who goad
The horse that pulls a heavy load! 
Shame to the Spanish bull-fight!  Shame
To those who make of death a game! 
We English are a better race: 
We love the long and solemn face;
We fly from any cheerful place,—­

                    On Sunday.

But, other days, we like a show. 
There may be danger, as we know;
We put the thought of that aside,
For noble sport is England’s pride: 
We’d advertise a railway trip,
To see a wretched tamer slip
And die beneath the lion’s grip,—­

                    On Monday!

* * * * *

A REALLY EXCEPTIONALLY REMARKABLE AND NOTEWORTHY FACT.—­To-day, Thursday, March 17.—­Fine Spring weather.  Have sat for over half-an-hour at a window looking on to the street, between 3.30 and 4.15 P.M., and have not once heard either the whole or any portion of the now strangely popular “Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay!" ...  As I write this ... ha!...  The grocer’s book!...  “Boom-de-ay” without the “Ta-ra.”  The spell is broken!  N.B.—­As this delightful song has now a certain number of Music-"hall-marks,” the places where it is sung can be spotted and remembered as “Ta-ra’s Halls.”

* * * * *

TO THE YOUNG CITY-MEN.

TO MAKE MUCH OF (LUNCHEON) TIME; OR, A COUNSEL TO CLERKS. (AFTER
HERRICK.)

  Gather ye fish-bones while ye may,
    The luncheon hour is flying,
  And this same cod, that’s boiled to-day,
    To-morrow may be frying.

  The handsome clock of ormolu
    A quarter past is showing,
  And soon ’twill be a quarter to,
    When you must think of going.

  That man eats best who eats the first,
    When fish and plates are warmer,
  But being cold, the worse and worst
    Fare still succeeds the former.