He. And your chaperon is—?

She. Somewhere or other.  In the meanwhile, if you will allow me?

He (offering his arm).  Quite!

    [Exeunt to supper.

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH’S UP-TO-DATE POETRY FOR CHILDREN.

NO. 1.—­“LITTLE MISS MUFFIT.”

[Illustration]

      Little Miss MUFFIT
      Reposed on a tuffet,
  Consuming her curds and whey—­
      She had dozens of dolls,
      And some cash in Consols
  Put by for a rainy day.

      But though calm and content
      While she drew Three per Cent.,
  The Conversion unsettled her mien,
      And she said, “Though they’ve thrown us
      This Five-Shilling Bonus,
  I cannot brook Two pounds fifteen!”

      Comes a Broker outsider—­
      Who chanced to have spied her,
  And “Options” and “Pools” he extols—­
      When he pictures the profit
      (Commission small off it),
  She cheerfully sells her Consols.

      Then she starts operations
      With fierce speculations
  In Stocks of all manner and shape;
      But whatever she chooses
      Her “cover” she loses,
  And sees it run off on the tape.

      So alas! for Miss MUFFIT—­
      She now has to rough it,
  And never gets jam with her tea;
      While the Bucket-shop Dealer
      Employs a four-wheeler,
  Regardless of L. S. and D.

* * * * *

“THE FROGS” AT OXFORD.

    SCENE—­Parlour of Private House, Oxford. TIME—­Quite
    recently.  Cook wishes to speak to her Mistress.

Cook. Please, ’m, I should like to go out this evening, ’m, which
  it’s to see them Frogs at the New Theayter.

Mistress. But it’s all Greek, and you won’t understand it.

Cook. O yes, ‘m.  I once saw the Performin’ Fleas, and they was
  French, I believe, leastways a Frenchman were showin’ of ’em, and
  I unnerstood all as was necessary.

    [After this, of course she obtains permission.

* * * * *

Mrs. Ram’s Uncle (on the maternal side) has recently joined the religious sect known as the Plymouth Brethren.  This has greatly distressed the good Lady.  “If it had been anything else,” she says, “a Moravian Missionary, or a Christian Brother-in-law, I wouldn’t have minded.  But to think that an Uncle of mine should have become a Yarmouth Bloater is a little hard on a poor woman no longer in her idolescence.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  WILFUL WILHELM.

An Imperial German Nursery Rhyme. (From the very latest Edition of “Struwwelpeter.")

Wilful Wilhelm. “TAKE THE NASTY PUNCH AWAY!  I WON’T HAVE ANY PUNCH TODAY!”]