YE MODERATES OF LONDON!

[Illustration:  The Stay-at-Home Voter.]

  Ye Moderates of London
    Who sat at home at ease,
  Ah! little did you think upon
    The dangerous C.C.’s! 
  While comfort did surround you,
    You did not care to go
          To remote
          Spots to vote
  When the stormy winds did blow.

  The voter should have courage
    No danger he should shun;
  In every kind of weather
    All sorts of risks should run. 
  Not he!  So bold Progressives
    Will tax him, and he’ll know
          He must pay
          In their way,
  Which is neither sure nor slow.

  But when the Thames Embankment,
    The finest road in town,
  Is riotous with tramcars,
    Will that make rates come down? 
  Will all these free arrangements,
    Free water, gas, do so? 
          Oh, they may! 
          Who can say? 
  And the Companies may go.

  When LIDGETT and McDOUGALL
    Are censors of the play,
  We can patronise the Drama
    In a strictly proper way;
  When PARKINSON’s Inspector
    Of Ballets, we shall know
          He will stop
          Any hop
  If he sees a dancer’s toe.

  Such grandmaternal rulers
    Will settle life for us,
  And Moderates, escaping
    All canvassing and fuss,
  Can still, from cosy firesides,
    Through three long years or so,
          Watch whereat
          Jumps the cat,
  And which way the wind does blow.

* * * * *

Lockwood the lecturer.

["Last Tuesday Mr. Frank Lockwood, Q.C., M.P., delivered a lecture entitled ‘The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick,’ to a large gathering of the citizens of York, which place he represents in Parliament.”—­Daily Telegraph.]

Air—­“Simon the Cellarer.”

  Oh, Lockwood the Lecturer hath a rare store
        Of jo-vi-a-li-tee
  Of quips, and of cranks, with good stories galore,
        For a cheery Q.C. is he! 
        A cheery Q.C. and M.P. 
  With pen and with pencil he never doth fail,
  And every day he hath got a fresh tale. 
  “A Big-vig on Pig-vig,” he quaintly did say,
  When giving his lecture at York t’other day. 
        For Ho! ho! ho! 
        Frank Lockwood can show
        How well he his Dickens
        Doth know, know, know!
            Chorus.—­For Ho! ho! ho! &c.

* * * * *

Hospitality A La Mode.

["Programmes and introductions are going out of fashion at
balls.”—­Weekly Paper.]

Scene—­Interior of a Drawing-room during a dance.  Sprightly Damsel disengaged looking out for a partner.  She addresses cheerful-looking Middle-aged Gentleman, who is standing near her.

She. I am not quite sure whether I gave you this waltz?