The Loquacious Assistant.  No, Sir, we’re free to go the minute the clock strikes.  We’ve no clearing up or anythink of that sort to do, not bein’ required to pufform any duties of a menial nature, Sir.  ’Ed a little more to the left, Sir....  Sundays I gen’ally go up the river.  I’m a Member of a Piskytorial Association.  I don’t do any fishin’, to mention, but I jest carry a rod in my ’and.  Railway Comp’ny takes anglers at reduced fares, you see, Sir....  No, Sir, don’t stay ’ere all day long.  Sometimes the Guv’nor sends me out to wait on parties at their own residences.  Pleasant change, Sir?  Ah, you’re right there, Sir!  There’s one lady as lives in Prague Villas, Sir.  I’ve been to do her ’air many a time. (He sighs sentimentally.) I did like waitin’ on ’er, Sir.  Sech a beautiful woman she is, too,—­with ’er face so white, ah!  ’AWKINS her name is, and her ‘usban’ a stockbroker.  She was an actress once, Sir, but she give that up when she married.  Told me she’d ’ad to work ’ard all her life to support her Ma, and she did think after she was married she was goin’ to enjoy herself—­but she ’adn’t!  Ah, she was a nice lady, Sir; she’d got her ’air in sech a tangle it took me three weeks to get it right!  I showed her three noo ways of doin’ up her ’air, and she says to me, “What a clever young man you are!” Her very words, Sir!  Trim the ends of your moustache, Sir?  Thankee, Sir.  Yes, she was a charmin’ woman.  She ’ad three parrots in the room with ‘er, swearin’ orful.  I enjoyed goin there, Sir; yes, Sir.  Ain’t been for ever sech a while now, Sir.  I did think of callin’ again and pertendin’ I’d forgot a comb, Sir, but I done that once, and I’m afraid it wouldn’t do twice, would it, Sir?  Sixteen her number is—­a sweet number, Sir!  Limewash or brilliantine, Sir?...  And I know ’er maid and her man, too; oh, she keeps a grand ’ouse, Sir! (Observing that the Sympathetic Customer is gradually growing red in the face and getting hysterical.) Towel too tight for you, Sir?  Allow me; thank you, Sir. (Here two fresh Customers enter.) Ready for you in one moment, Gentlemen.  The other Assistant is downstairs ’aving his tea, but he’ll be up directly

[The two fresh Customers watch one another suspiciously, after the manner of Britons.  The first, who is elderly, removes his hat and displays an abundance of strong grizzled hair, which he surveys complacently in a mirror.  The second, a younger man, seems reluctant to uncover until absolutely obliged to do so.

The Grizzled Customer (to the Other Customer, as his natural self-satisfaction overcomes his reserve).  ’Shtonishing how fast one’s hair does grow.  It’s not three weeks since I had a close crop.  Great nuisance, eh?

The Other Customer (with evident embarrassment).  Er—­eh, yes—­quite so, I—­I daresay.