Mrs. F. Selfish creatures!

IN THE VESTIBULE.

Mrs. Townley-Ratton (about to leave with her husband, encounters her cousins, the Miss RURAL-RATTONS, who have just arrived).  Why, SOPHY, MARY! how are you? this is too delightful!  When did you come up?  How long are you going to be in town? When can you come and see me?

Miss Sophy Rattan (answering the two last questions).  Till the end of the week.  What will be the best time to find you?

Mrs. T.R. (warmly).  Oh, any time!  I’m almost always in—­except the afternoons, of course.  I’m going out to tea or something every day this week!

Miss Sophy R. Well, how would some time in the morning—­

Mrs. T.R. The morning?  No, I’m afraid—­I’m afraid it mustn’t be the morning this week—­so many things that one has to see to!

Mr. T.R. (lazily).  You’d better all come and dine quietly some evening.

    [He yawns, to tone down any excess of hospitality in this
    invitation.

Mrs. T.R. (quickly).  No, that would be too cruel, when I know they’ll want to go to a theatre every night!  And besides, I really haven’t a single free evening this week.  But I must see if we can’t arrange something.  You really must drop me a line next time you’re coming up!  Good-bye, dears, we mustn’t keep you from the pictures—­such a fine collection this winter!  Love to your Mother, and say I shall try to call—­if I possibly can!

Mr. T.R. (as they descend the stairs).  I say, SELINA, you forgot to ask ’em where they are.  Shall I run back and find out, eh?

Mrs. T.R. Not on any account.  They’re probably at the Grand as usual, and if they’re not, it will be a very good excuse if I can’t call.  You are such a fusser, ALFRED!

Miss Sophy (toMiss MARY_).  What a let-off!  I wouldn’t have minded lunch so much—­but dinner—­no, thank you, my dear!

Miss Mary (gloomily).  She may call on Mother and ask us all yet.

Miss Sophy.  She doesn’t know where we are, and I took good care not to tell her.  It’s getting too dark to see much, but we’ll just walk through the rooms, to say we’ve done it—­shall we? [They do.

* * * * *

A SETTLER FOR MR. WOODS.—­Mrs. RAM does not at all wonder at Amateurs being able to “pick up old pieces of china at CHRISTY’s,” for she has often heard that you’ve only got to go to King Street, where anyone may see them “knocked down under a hammer.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “OFF HIS FEED.”

Salisbury the Vet. “HUM!  SEEMS TO HAVE WASTED A BIT!  WANTS A TONIC.”]