DR. SWIFT TO HIMSELF ON ST. CECILIA’S DAY

Grave Dean of St. Patrick’s, how comes it to pass,
That you, who know music no more than an ass,
That you who so lately were writing of drapiers,
Should lend your cathedral to players and scrapers? 
To act such an opera once in a year,
So offensive to every true Protestant ear,
With trumpets, and fiddles, and organs, and singing,
Will sure the Pretender and Popery bring in,
No Protestant Prelate, his lordship or grace,
Durst there show his right, or most reverend face: 
How would it pollute their crosiers and rochets,
To listen to minims, and quavers, and crochets!

[The rest is wanting.]

AN ANSWER TO A FRIEND’S QUESTION

The furniture that best doth please
St. Patrick’s Dean, good Sir, are these: 
The knife and fork with which I eat;
And next the pot that boils the meat;
The next to be preferr’d, I think,
Is the glass in which I drink;
The shelves on which my books I keep
And the bed on which I sleep;
An antique elbow-chair between,
Big enough to hold the Dean;
And the stove that gives delight
In the cold bleak wintry night: 
To these we add a thing below,
More for use reserved than show: 
These are what the Dean do please;
All superfluous are but these.

EPITAPH INSCRIBED ON A MARBLE TABLET, IN BERKELEY CHURCH, GLOUCESTERSHIRE

H. S. E.

[text centered]
CAROLUS Comes de BERKELEY, Vicecomes DURSLEY,
Baro BERKELEY, de Berkeley Cast., MOWBRAY, SEGRAVE,
Et BRUCE, e nobilissimo Ordine Balnei Eques,
Vir ad genus quod spectat et proavos usquequaque nobilis
Et longo si quis alius procerum stemmate editus;
Muniis etiam tarn illustri stirpi dignis insignitus. 
Siquidem a GULIELMO III ad ordines foederati Belgii
Ablegatus et Plenipotentiarius Extraordinarius
Rebus, non Britanniae tantum, sed totius fere Europae
(Tunc temporis praesertim arduis) per annos V. incubuit,
Quam felici diligentia, fide quam intemerata,
Ex illo discas, Lector, quod, superstite patre,
In magnatum ordinem adscisci meruerit. 
Fuit a sanctioribus consiliis et Regi GULIEL. et ANNAE Reginae
E proregibus Hiberniae secundus,
Comitatum civitatumque Glocest. et Brist.  Dominus Locumtenens,
Surriae et Glocest.  Gustos Rot., Urbis Glocest. magnus
Senescallus, Arcis sancti de Briavell Castellanus, Guardianus
Forestae de Dean. 
Denique ad Turcarum primum, deinde ad Romam Imperatorem
Cum Legatus Extraordinarius designatus esset,
Quo minus has etiam ornaret provincias
Obstitit adversa corporis valetudo. 
Sed restat adhuc, prae quo sordescunt caetera,
Honos verus, stabilis, et vel morti cedere nescius
Quod veritatem evangelicam serio amplexus;
Erga Deum pius, erga pauperes munificus,
Adversus omnes aequus et benevolus,
In Christo jam placide obdormit
Cum eodem olim regnaturus una. 
Natus VIII April.  MDCXLIX. denatus
XXIV Septem.  MDCCX. aetat. suae LXII.