Presume to treat him at his own expense.[9]
Each farmer in the neighbourhood can count
To what your lawful perquisites amount. 
The tenants poor, the hardness of the times,
Are ill excuses for a servant’s crimes. 
With interest, and a premium paid beside,
The master’s pressing wants must be supplied;
With hasty zeal behold the steward come
By his own credit to advance the sum;
Who, while th’unrighteous Mammon is his friend,
May well conclude his power will never end. 
A faithful treasurer! what could he do more? 
He lends my lord what was my lord’s before. 
  The law so strictly guards the monarch’s health,
That no physician dares prescribe by stealth: 
The council sit; approve the doctor’s skill;
And give advice before he gives the pill. 
But the state empiric acts a safer part;
And, while he poisons, wins the royal heart. 
  But how can I describe the ravenous breed? 
Then let me now by negatives proceed. 
  Suppose your lord a trusty servant send
On weighty business to some neighbouring friend: 
Presume not, Gay, unless you serve a drone,
To countermand his orders by your own. 
Should some imperious neighbour sink the boats,
And drain the fish-ponds, while your master dotes;
Shall he upon the ducal rights intrench,
Because he bribed you with a brace of tench? 
  Nor from your lord his bad condition hide,
To feed his luxury, or soothe his pride. 
Nor at an under rate his timber sell,
And with an oath assure him, all is well;
Or swear it rotten, and with humble airs [10]
Request it of him, to complete your stairs;
Nor, when a mortgage lies on half his lands,
Come with a purse of guineas in your hands. 
  Have Peter Waters [11] always in your mind;
That rogue, of genuine ministerial kind,
Can half the peerage by his arts bewitch,
Starve twenty lords to make one scoundrel rich: 
And, when he gravely has undone a score,
Is humbly pray’d to ruin twenty more. 
  A dext’rous steward, when his tricks are found,
Hush-money sends to all the neighbours round;
His master, unsuspicious of his pranks,
Pays all the cost, and gives the villain thanks. 
And, should a friend attempt to set him right,
His lordship would impute it all to spite;
Would love his favourite better than before,
And trust his honesty just so much more. 
Thus families, like realms, with equal fate,
Are sunk by premier ministers of state. 
  Some, when an heir succeeds, go bodily on,
And, as they robb’d the father, rob the son. 
A knave, who deep embroils his lord’s affairs,
Will soon grow necessary to his heirs. 
His policy consists in setting traps,
In finding ways and means, and stopping gaps;
He knows a thousand tricks whene’er he please,
Though not to cure, yet palliate each disease. 
In either case, an equal chance is run;
For, keep or turn him out, my lord’s undone.