you know how sometimes one may absent-mindedly scribble
a sheet of paper full of meaningless words. I
had a pen in my hand—[picks up a penholder
from the table] like this. And somehow it just
began to run—I don’t want to claim
that there was anything mystical—anything
of a spiritualistic nature back of it—for
that kind of thing I don’t believe in! It
was a wholly unreasoned, mechanical process—my
copying of that beautiful autograph over and over
again. When all the clean space on the letter
was used up, I had learned to reproduce the signature
automatically—and then—[throwing
away the penholder with a violent gesture] then I
forgot all about it. That night I slept long
and heavily. And when I woke up, I could feel
that I had been dreaming, but I couldn’t recall
the dream itself. At times it was as if a door
had been thrown ajar, and then I seemed to see the
writing-table with the note on it as in a distant
memory—and when I got out of bed, I was
forced up to the table, just as if, after careful
deliberation, I had formed an irrevocable decision
to sign the name to that fateful paper. All thought
of the consequences, of the risk involved, had disappeared—
no hesitation remained—it was almost as
if I was fulfilling some sacred duty—and
so I wrote! [Leaps to his feet] What could it be?
Was it some kind of outside influence, a case of mental
suggestion, as they call it? But from whom could
it come? I was sleeping alone in that room.
Could it possibly be my primitive self—the
savage to whom the keeping of faith is an unknown thing—
which pushed to the front while my consciousness was
asleep— together with the criminal will
of that self, and its inability to calculate the results
of an action? Tell me, what do you think of it?
MR. X. [As if he had to force the words out of himself]
Frankly speaking, your story does not convince me—there
are gaps in it, but these may depend on your failure
to recall all the details— and I have read
something about criminal suggestion—or I
think I have, at least—hm! But all
that is neither here nor there! You have taken
your medicine—and you have had the courage
to acknowledge your fault. Now we won’t
talk of it any more.
MR. Y. Yes, yes, yes, we must talk of it—till
I become sure of my innocence.
MR. X. Well, are you not?
MR. Y. No, I am not!
MR. X. That’s just what bothers me, I tell you.
It’s exactly what is bothering me!—Don’t
you feel fairly sure that every human being hides
a skeleton in his closet? Have we not, all of
us, stolen and lied as children? Undoubtedly!
Well, now there are persons who remain children all
their lives, so that they cannot control their unlawful
desires. Then comes the opportunity, and there
you have your criminal.—But I cannot understand
why you don’t feel innocent. If the child
is not held responsible, why should the criminal be
regarded differently? It is the more strange
because—well, perhaps I may come to repent
it later. [Pause] I, for my part, have killed a man,
and I have never suffered any qualms on account of
it.