“FOR VALUE RECEIVED.”—­Aldgate Ward changed Alderman LUSK for one POUND.

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[Illustration:  WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH, BEFORE HE TURNS LIKE A CRUSHED WORM.

Our Art Critic (patronisingly).  “HA—­HUM!  WELL, YOUR COLOUR IS FAIRLY DECENT, AND YOU HAVE NICISH FEELING FOR LIGHT AND SHADE, AND CHIAROSCURO.  BUT WHERE YOB ALWAYS FAIL TO PLEASE, SOMEHOW, IS IN YOUR EXECUTION!”

Our Artist.  “MY EXECUTION?  AH!  JUST SO.  I’VE NO DOUBT THAT YOURS, NOW WOULD BE MORE GENERALLY POPULAR!”]

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FROM PARLIAMENTARY EXAMINATION PAPER.

Question.—­Explain the term “Standing Orders.”

Answer 1.—­It means that when a visitor to the House has an order for the Speaker’s Gallery, and can’t find a seat, he then becomes one of the Standing Orders.—­SISTE VIATOR.

Answer 2.—­When a friendly M.P. sees three of us waiting for him, takes us to the bar of the House, and orders drinks all round, which we take standing.—­BIBENDUM EST.

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INDIA FOR THE IRISH!—­“An amended estimate of the present Paddy Crop has been published by the Local Government.” (Vide Times for Feb. 15.) What more can the most thorough Home-Rulers want, if they would only be content to make their home in Burmah instead of Ireland?  “Local Government” can soon be developed, for ’tis but Home Rule in the bud, and the “Paddy Crop” is already there.

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MOTTO FOR THE NEW RECORDER OF THE CITY OF LONDON.—­“HALL There!”

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“COMBINING AMUSEMENT WITH INSTRUCTION.”

(A SKETCH AT THE COLLECTION OF INSTRUMENTS OF TORTURE.)

SCENE—­The Maddox Street Galleries.  A large and appropriately lighted room.  Upon walls of a sombre crimson, various Implements of Torture are arranged with considerable taste, and an eye for decorative effect, the central space being reserved for more elaborate contrivances in wood and iron.  Visitors discovered inspecting the Exhibition by the aid of the excellent Catalogues, with the subdued appreciation of persons conscious that they are spending a very pleasant and profitable afternoon.

Mr. Charnelhouse Goole (as he enters, to Mrs. C.G.).  Now, my dear, the first thing I want to see is that Iron Maiden there’s so much talk about.  I wonder whereabouts it is!

Mrs. C.G. I think that must be it, up at the other end of the room.  But don’t you think, dear, it would be nicer to see the other things first, and keep that for the last?

Mr. C.G. (struck by the refinement of this suggestion).  Well, upon, my word, AMINA, I almost think it would!